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Critical Analysis #1

two lonely lovers

porowolf
Junior Member

since 1999-07-15

Posts 16
colo. spgs. , co, usa

0 posted 1999-07-15 11:37 PM

Two Lonely Lovers

There we stand,
By a majestic lake.
Two Lonely lovers hand-in-hand,
But tonight I’ll make a mistake.

There we lay,
In each others rapture.
Like every other day,
This brings no cure.

There we sit in each others arms.
But I took something from her.
I caused her no harm,
But still, there we were.

I can’t look at her,
Not in her eyes.
For, I took something from her.
I stole it with lies.

Daniel2
Junior Member

since 1999-07-13

Posts 28
Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

1 posted 1999-07-16 01:05 AM

I like the honesty in this poem. They say, Confession is good for the soul.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

2 posted 1999-07-16 10:15 AM

Welcome to the family. You are very brave to post in the Critical Analysis forum!

Ok...here goes...

You seem to be going for a structured poem, but the meter is way off. The rhyme scheme falls down a little in the second and third stanzas.

Sometimes I rewrite a poem several times before I post it. Read it aloud to yourself (that's something else I do) to feel the rhythm of the poem. I look forward to more from you.

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