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Critical Analysis #1
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Jeffrey Carter
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since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!

0 posted 2000-04-13 04:50 PM


I will find you
You cannot hide
I'll take you along
For the ride

You are simply a pawn
in my master plan
Your life will never
be the same again

I can find you
in the darkest of places
I can turn cold
even the warmest embraces

You cannot hide
from the sorrow I bring
Get on your mark
I'm ready to spring

I'm not always sent
from somewhere above
If you haven't yet guessed
my name is....

HEARTBREAK

© Copyright 2000 Jeffrey D. Carter - All Rights Reserved
bboog
Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303
Valencia, California
1 posted 2000-04-14 05:55 PM


Jeffrey~
   I think more vivid imagery might help this poem. Something like:
She's got pictures of me
tattoed on her skin
head to toe.
She snipped off her hair
wears a bone through her nose
and she finds me.
  I don't know if this helps you but I think that it might help the "surprise" ending.
Best regards to you,
bboog



Jeffrey Carter
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!
2 posted 2000-04-14 10:33 PM


bboog...that is certainly something to think about

Jeffrey

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