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Critical Analysis #1
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Thats Why I Cry(please critique..my favorite poem)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Thats Why I Cry(please critique..my favorite poem) |
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just_another_fe Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483MICHIGAN 
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This morning I layed in bed with my eyes closed holding my pillow tight and for a minute I thought it was you. But when I opened my eyes it was just a pillow and then I cried. I cried knowing that I'll never be able to hold you like that. When you call me "momma" or "baby" and you say "i love you" I get the biggest smile on my face A feeling of happiness fills my body and then I cry. I cry knowing that I will never hear you say them words to me with all the meaning that I give them. When I talk to you on the phone I'm so happy. I let your beautiful voice flow through my ears. I study the way your words sound and then I cry. I cry knowing that I'll never sit on the couch next to you to talk. Because I'll never see the way your lips move when you say the words I study through the phone lines I pretend I'm there example *sits on your lap* I imagine how it really feels to touch you and then I cry. I cry knowing that I'll never be there! I'll never sit on your lap! You will never hold me! When you talk about your family I hope they are all doing well. I smile at the accomplishments your brothers have had. I'm happy that your dad better now and then I cry. I cry knowing that I will never meet them. Because your family will never be mine. When you talk about your boyz at school or the guyz at Johns house I laugh. You guyz are so funny and then I cry. I cry knowing that I'll never meet them. I'll never hear them tell me stories about you. When you get mad at me and yell at me I cry. I'm not crying at the words your saying to me even if they hurt. I cry knowing that I'll never be able to look you in the eyes when you yell at me and I'll never be able to give you a hug and a kiss when we make up. When you tell me stories I listen to them and I love them. They make me so proud of you and then I cry. I cry knowing that I'll never be that girl in the stands waiting for the game to end. I'll never be that girl thats suppose to meet you by the gym doors. I'll never be the girl that you see in your smoke filled car. I'll never be the girl that lays next to you in your bed and I'll never be able to hear you tell our kids these same stories that make you the man that you are. The man that I am so proud of and the man that I have grown to love more then life. THAT'S WHY I CRY! < !signature--> Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have. --Louis Boone [This message has been edited by just_another_fe (edited 04-07-2000).] |
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db Junior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 13 |
There is definately a lot of passion and emotion here. However it reads too much like a letter with line breaks. Too many personal references that mean nothing to the reader. My suggestions would be to shorten it and develop some of these emotions into images. Regards Dan |
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jfreak Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306Yuma, AZ, USA |
Okay here we go. I don't agree with Dan that this poem is too long. I like it. Yes, it is full of passion and emotion and girl, if I were that guy and I read this, I would have to run to you right then and there and take you in my arms and wipe away those tears. This piece is just outstanding. I especially loved the line, when you say the words I study through the phone lines That was just a great use of imagery. I agree with Dan though, on the fact that your use of imagery could have been better. The one thing that makes up for that is the use of your heart. I mean your heart just bleeds through so heavily in thie piece. It is saturated with it. I just love this. Keep em coming. JFreak |
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kynder Senior Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 537Tallahassee, Florida |
i wish everyone who even considers a long distance of any kind, cyber or otherwise, could read this first. you have put your thumb on the consequences of those types of risks with your heart, babe. have faith. love will arrive flowers in hand. |
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just_another_fe Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 483MICHIGAN |
Thanks guyz Jfreak i wish you were him too lol when i wrote this i was sitting in the chair crying...not thinking about "imagery" thanx kynder thank you and wish they could know of the pain before it comes too. its very hard and hurts a lot. thank and i hope its comin soon lol |
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