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Useless
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Useless |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Useless by bboog You snap the menu shut Order without looking. “Shrimp salad, no croutons Ranch dressing on the side.” Long neck, sloe eyes black brilliant hair A Spanish clone of Audrey Hepburn Yet your mind is shut- Closed tighter than your mouth. It’s so hard To reason with you Sometimes. Like flossing before Eating roast beef. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Robert Boog - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SuZi New Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 8Louisville, KY |
There has got to be more. The imagery is great, I can see those two people sitting there, menus in hand...but like Oriental food it leaves me hungery for more. hmmm.... I must check out what else you have done SuZi |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Bboog, Just have a couple of minutes now, not enough to study this one like it deserves but I did want to make at least some comment. This does present a strong visual image. Not too sure I like all of it (Maybe the last stanza seems a little abrupt and not what I wanted to read). But the second stanza, "Long neck, sloe eyes black brilliant hair A Spanish clone of Audrey Hepburn is nearly perfect. I loved Audrey anyway. Will get back later with more. Thanks. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Mr. bboog, I liked it...unique, and you get the point across very well. Nice images, except for the last stanza...but it really makes a statement, so who cares about the image. I liked, "Yet your mind is shut- Closed tighter than your mouth", though I think you should eliminate the "Yet", as I don't see any connection between the way she looks and her mind being shut. With only that one tiny crit, you should congratulate yourself on a great job. Kristine the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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tom Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 90s/w penna u.s.a. |
bboog Great poem, a little tidbit of your life? Only change I would make is clone to version,clone seems to scientific(black & white)Just my opinion tom [This message has been edited by tom (edited 04-03-2000).] |
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
i like the "yet"...all is well until...is what it says to me...your perception of the situation and not an actual connection between her mind and looks to me the last stanza brings the whole work full circle to the title...the originality and fit of it was wonderful...my favorite...perfect |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Just a quick interjection regarding the "Yet". In fact, with deference to Diana, I don't see all as being well up until the third stanza, in fact the word "snap" and the staccato nature of the language in the first stanza gives a tension to the piece almost from start i felt. For that reason I was at first i was inclined to agree with Kris that the "yet" should go, but on further reading I came to the conclusion that it imparts a rather nice ironic twist. The conventional expectation is that beautiful looks = beautiful mind .... the piece shatters this expectation. Looked at in that way the "yet" seems to me to be ok...... Philip |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Bboog, Finally got back for a few more minutes. Can't say that I have a whole lot more to add. My thoughts on the yet question is leave it. I can't see that it hurts and really doesn't seem like a word that needs trimming. I think I would drop closed from the next line however. It does seem unnecessary and makes the line too long. Leave the dash on the line before to force a pause and make this one parenthetical though. Just a small suggestion. For some reason, the last stanza still feels wrong. I don't think it is the abruptness I mentioned before though. Maybe it just seems a bit trite in comparison to the rest of the poem. I know I'm rambling a lot here but I read the poem pretty seriously up to that point then lost the mood at the end. I wish I could find proper words to express my feeling here but can't seem to do so. Well, thanks for sharing this very enjoyable piece. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
To Pete, Philip, Diana B, Tom, Kris and SuZi, Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. It's always gratifying to know that a poem is read and scrutinized (not just glossed over). Thanks again! best regards, bboog |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Hi bboog I enjoyed reading the poem. I think that the iamgery you use is very evocative. 1St Stanza " YOu order without looking" This really solidified the image of anger. Very well done. 2nd stanza this is greath the way it is. 3rd stanza. I do not know if i would start with the word yet. I find that this word can be very powerful when presented with a paradox. I.E. when it is in the second line of a couplet and the second line is in contrast to the 1st. I also like the ending. So all in all a good poem just one word that I disagree with. Thanks see ya |
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Star New Member
since 2000-04-04
Posts 1 |
I really like your approach with this poem. The abruptness comes through loud and clear. The last stanza shows the futility felt by the partner of sloe eyes. I will be looking for more from you. |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Hi Star, Thank you for your response. What's cool about this system is that you can search by an author's name and view their past poems too. Best regards, bboog |
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