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Critical Analysis #1
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In Passion's Shade - Critiques please
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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In Passion's Shade - Critiques please |
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Robin2 New Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 5UK |
A friend wrote to me and thanked me for reawakening her passion for writing poetry. In thinking about this, I came up with the following: In Passion's Shade Robin Laffan August 1999 ============================================= Within the passion, dwells the risk, A writhing serpent in a scented bush, That strikes at you As you pluck the bloom, Its envenomed teeth biting deep To draw the blood and raise the pain: Fuel for your muse. The pain will pass While the venom lies Hidden deep inside Until a moment's doubt or fear Brings it oozing forth once more To chill the soul: Breaking your hold on your dreams. Seize that risk and surf its wave, Ever slipping from its peak, into a flight of spinning chance, A whirling pool of what may be, That falls towards you, Seizing you in its hungry maw To coalesce into the now Leaving just a single thread: The serpent tale of what has been. Which even so Casts a thousand twisting shadows, In the turbulent lights of future times. Shadows to be carved With the passion and the muse Into sculptures of words on the heart. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Robin2 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Shadows to be carved.... wonderful! ------------------ Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
All I can say, Robin, is that I am so glad it is not painful for me to write. The only pain I suffer when I do put down words is sometimes getting the meaning across. In this matter, you did very well with your imagery. ------------------ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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Robin2 New Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 5UK |
Thanks both. It's not so much that it is painful to write, as that in writing, I find I am opening myself up to myself. I have to understand why I feel as well as what. In doing that, the doubt and the 'pain' come in. Learning to know myself, hasn't actually meant changing myself, just being more critical when I do what I do. and much more self mocking. Robin |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I'm finding that writing about the painful happenings in my past is more of a catharsis, and it's doing wonders for my outlook. Keep posting. ------------------ Sunshine Words will always express our feelings true. ~~~ KRJ Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
The imagery in this piece was both delightful and inspired. I might suggest that you throw some rhyme in, but I am afraid it will upset the diction ... leave it just as it is. Great work. ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (When I hear the bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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