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another brave attempt at limerick:)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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another brave attempt at limerick:) |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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Bob the butcher performs his feat under heat Beats steadily and cuts red meat All aunts gape and see Don't know he has gone to the sea Mixing meat with peat on a seat! |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
"Bob the butcher performs his feat under heat Beats steadily and cuts red meat All aunts gape and see Don't know he has gone to the sea Mixing meat with peat on a seat!" Ok Kaile this is much better .....LOL but still needs a little refinement perhaps. Your syllable count is irregular in some places and the stressed syllables in some parts make for awkward reading. You need to try and achieve the "right" limerick rhythm. More like this: Bob the butcher performs under heat, Beats and steadily cuts up red meat, All aunts gape and see, Don't know he's at sea, Mixing meat with some peat on a seat! If you compare the two and read them both out loud you will see how the rhythm is different and how, in mine, the syllable count is 9,9,5,5,9. By the way, could you enlighten me as to what exactly it means?? ..lol  Philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 03-25-2000).] |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Kaile~ If you are trying to say "Mixing his meat with peat on a seat" wouldn't you spell it "Pete" instead of "peat"? (grins) Actually, I think you might be better at scrapping the limmerick thing and writing this as a haiku. This whole poem with "beating his meat on a seat" will not win you many friends unless (how shall I say this) they are the type who like to dress up as female impersonators? bboog [This message has been edited by bboog (edited 03-25-2000).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
ARRRGGHH!! (grins back at bboog) Well Kaile, you got closer but the Limerick is the most regidly defined poetic format ever devised for the english language or at least of those still in use today. 1) MUST be anapestic, (ta-ta-DUM) with some flexibility allowed in the first foot of each line. 2) MUST be 5 lines. 3) First, second and last lines MUST have 3 feet. 4) Third and fourth lines must have 2 feet. Here is a classic example. Analyze carefully then note that they all sound very much like this. There once was a boy from Nantucket Whose . . . Oops, can't use that one in here  maybe not even in adult. Try this one instead.A tutor who tooted the flute Tried to tutor two tooters to toot, Said the two to the tutor, "Is it harder to toot or To tutor two tooters to toot?" I'm not strong at scansion but it scans something like this. a TU- | tor who TOO- | ted the FLUTE tried to TU- | tor two TOO- | ters to TOOT, Said the TWO to the TU- | tor, "Is it HAR- | der to TOOT or To TU- | tor two TOO- | ters to TOOT?" Best of luck. < !signature--> Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 03-27-2000).] |
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