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Critical Analysis #1
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When is becomes was.
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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When is becomes was. |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
In a moment there is no then and only is in another there is no is and only was. In a breath there is no life and only death. She is what is is and lives in the moments pain with hands red blistered now in a second blood upon her brow He is what was is and lives in past pains Could’s and should’s fill his day Why’s and what’s waste the night away She lived then in a strange and naive way and now knows the love of suffering He lived then in a normal and arrogant way and now knows nothing and suffers She was filled with life, her life now she is filled with his neurotic insecurities and fear of death and yet still lives and is is. He was filled with life, his life now he is filled with her love and strength and knowing mind and yet still dies and is was. She is about now, always has been He is about then, always has been They are about nothing, they have never been Yet I stand in testament of them. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Anthony Di Bartolomeo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Tony: I really liked this. You set a somber, regretful tone throughout and your wording drew me into the plight of the poem's subjects. My thoughts are that this is about an abusive relationship that continued for a long time. Perhaps the story of the two is being taught by a child of the two. I'll be interested in seeing what your explanation of this ends up being. What really ticks me off about this (besides not being 100% certain what you are describing here) is that I can't find anything that I could criticize.  Just kidding, of course. I liked this, Tony. Good work.*Bamf* Back to the top. Jim |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
T~ The "is is" and "is was" of this piece confused me a little bit. Also the title, "When is becomes was". Am not sure that all the uncertainty is good, but it did make me think. It kind of reminded me of a reverse OJ Simpson scene, where a woman kills a man and lives on thinking about it in jail. And I suppose I could be dead wrong and that it could be about ten other subjects as well. best regards, bboog |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Thank You for the comments, both of you. What I tried to describe here is my mother and father, beleive it or not. I thought the last line gave it away. But maybe not. I just wanted to communicte the fact that my mother lives in the moment of everthing even her pain. She rarely talks of the past or the future for that matter. Whilest my father has either looked to the future, when we were kids or he looks to the past as he does now. In doing so he has denied him self the joy of living in the moment. Alot of people think that living in the moment only means to live in joy all the time. But living in the moment also means living with the real and present pains and suffering of life. It was just a poetic observation of my parents. They did not and do not live in an abusive realtionship. Thanks for the comments and I am extremely happy that it made you both think. See ya |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Tony - this is a very enjoyable piece... 'She lived then in a strange and naive way and now knows the love of suffering He lived then in a normal and arrogant way and now knows nothing and suffers' This verse is great in particular - I like how you involve the paradox of suffering (love of suffering) and link it with the last line. One thing I don't like though I can see it is a technical feature of the poem is this line: 'She is what is is' I feel that the two is's just confound the line and are quite awkward... Given it's technicality I'm not sure how that could be improved. If this line is compared to its companion line 'and yet still lives and is is.' there is a discernable difference in the way they sound - the latter works well. I think that is because there is no preceding 'is' (phew - all these is's!!!). - but overall I think this is very well done, and as for the content - excellent. A poem about parents that is not overly emotional nor biased really - I'm impressed!  K |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
THanks Severn 'She is what is is' Beleive me I had doubts about this line. But, what I wanted to illustrate is that she is what is is. If you take the first is and substitute being as in existing. Then it would read she is what being is. I wanted to use the double is to drive this home. I know that it is a little bit of a tounge twister but I feel that the double is adds a certain depth to the stament. It also makes it and absolute. Any way that's my story and that's what I'm sticking to.(lol) See ya and thanks for the comments. [This message has been edited by Tony Di Bart (edited 03-24-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Tony, I thought this was well done. Of course, I would have preferred a more specific situation to the general description presented here (I have to say that on principle, you know). Still, what you have done is take very common words and used them in a way that defamiliarizes the reader, makes him/her have to work a little harder to get the meaning. I liked that. Brad |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Thanks Brad I really appreciate your comments as always. Sorry about that non-specific stuff....na not really(lol) see ya |
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tom Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 90s/w penna u.s.a. |
T.D.B. It's about time someone else uses improper grammar around here besides me. I likes its allot |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Hey Tom Anytime, my grammer really, really she sucks. I have to re-type, re-read. re-everything and still I missa the ****. Oh well, still i like to the write. See Ya PS After all the greatest physic mind of the century was not very good at math. Imagine, that's all it takes....Imagination [This message has been edited by Tony Di Bart (edited 03-25-2000).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Just sneaking back to give you a rotf at your grammar explanation! I can indeed see your point about the 'is is'  |
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whipsnade Junior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 40 |
Mr. DiBart I admit to some initial confusion and delay in understanding but finally realized "is" is the moment, versus past and future. Then it was like looking into a mirror and viewing my 44 years of wedded bliss, and thanking god "my" she, is who she is. Very Fine,, Ricardo {Whipsnade} |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
Hello Ricardo Thank you. You have paid me the highest possible complement that I could possibly expect. That is you have taken something I have written and made it mean something real in your life. Thanks again See Ya |
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LittleBoyLost Junior Member
since 2000-03-14
Posts 28 |
Tony, I liked this too and liked the descriptions and replies just as much. I don't know where I would be without grammar check and Shrunk and White. Good poem. LBL |
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