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Critical Analysis #1
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The Future
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Future |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
t he e f fut futur uture ture is ure is b re is bui e is built is built u is built upo s built upon built upon th built upon the uilt upon the pa ilt upon the past lt upon the past f t upon the past fut upon the past futur upon the past futures [This message has been edited by Trevor (edited 03-21-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Trevor Davis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
and nd a a dn dna |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
hey Trevor this is really kewl, loved it, WOW!  excellent!What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Alright! Something to get stuck into... Well, not really actually... Now - I absolutely love this Trevor (just popped back in to say I hope it is ok to say that here...anyway, don't get used to it! LOL - j/k) - this is more an artform to me than a poem. I find the way you have started lines without whole words highly orignal. Most experimental, Trevor (snobby applause). Now looking at this aesthetically - I see the slow descent of the 'built upon's' as very fluid - it is like a visual river cutting through the whole piece. And to me - it kind of mocks the line of the poem...as if the past is a weak foundation - a subtle way of saying visually that the past is doomed to repeat itself - and that it is as weak as a soft river bank. Now, I suppose you are thinking I really am a weird freaky arty type who is constantly obscure - but it is obscenely late here and if I don't make sense then yet AGAIN I apologise...lol No that is how I see it...am I anywhere near your intent? K< !signature--> 'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath [This message has been edited by Severn (edited 03-21-2000).] |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Very cool form and design-nice wind to the philosophic close "the future is built upon the past futures" KUDOS |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
T re vor i th ink t his co uld hav e been s aid in so more simpl e manner wi a little eff ort my friend But it seems that I have no repetit ion or pa rtial wo rds for this r espon se t hou gh ! Pete Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Trev!! Like the style, the format, the original manner in which you stated the message...but I disagree, to some extent. Nice work... Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Trev: Well, I have to live up to my reputation (what are we without our reputation) and ask a question only a ... er ... pedantic person such as myself might ask: 1 t 2 he 3 e fu 4 futu 5 futur 6 future i 7 uture is 8 ture is bu 9 ure is buil 9 re is built 10 e is built up 11 is built upon 12 is built upon t 13 s built upon the 13 built upon the p 15 built upon the pas 15 uilt upon the past 15 ilt upon the past f 16 lt upon the past fut 17 t upon the past futur 18 upon the past futures Until your 9th line you have an evenly progressing letter count. Then you do two lines of 9, two lines of 13, skip 14 and do three lines of 15. LOL. Sorry, my maple-leaf friend, couldn't resist. I agree with Kris that the format and style of this one is interesting. The statement works for me, as a generality, but not necessarily as a universal. This is one for Philosophy 101, dontcha think? Enjoyed it. Later. Jim |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Personally I found the winding like a spiral staicase. I never count the rungs, only the view-- AND NOW that I have the attention of TWO of the moderators of this forum-there is a gurrl down there by the name of Nikkisweet who's small poem received one comment. She seems to want help...she needs it-and the only thing she's gotten is my rhetoric... and about 4 of my poems as examples (poor girl) so...shall we lead by example or-- GET ANOTHER DISSERTATION from BRAD |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
very cool! |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Trevor Nice to have something different for a change. As well as the obvious broadening base reflecting the concept of a foundation to build upon I also saw another possible angle. Essentially, assuming creation started with some sort of big bang, (ie a single event) your form kind of mirrors this with its initial single character and then as time progresses the options widening and multiplying presumably at some kind of exponential rate .. nice idea .. Also I loved your DNA piece Ted .. here's my attempt: LIFE is not mate rial it is P T I U R I A L S |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Well, everybody else seems to have liked it. I admit I enjoyed the initial impact. I like the breaks in the words, the attempts of the past (both in the micro and macro sense of that word) to create a future that never, or almost never, conforms to our expectations. Chaos theory seems to abound in this one. I also liked Ted's 'dna' thing and Philip's little doodle: material -- order spiritual -- chaos or did you mean this, Philip: material -- limited spiritual -- everything Hey, don't we have to discuss that sometime? I guess you could say it made me think but, you know me, it's just far too general for me to be saying anything really interesting to me. It's getting kind of scary but Haze is now predicting what I like and dislike (with a fair degree of accuracy). I can't believe I've become this predictable. Brad |
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