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Soul to Soul the Lovers Met
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Soul to Soul the Lovers Met |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania 
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Soul to Soul the Lovers Met Two lovers of the purest love Of that which sings the gentle dove Of that which winter breezes blow Soft icy whispers ‘cross the snow Were separated by a sea And sands of an eternity Her heart was swept to the abyss Of longing touch and wanted kiss An ocean of a great divide Of treacherous storm and furious tide Attempted churning waves to hide Her lover on the other side His soul in its alloted space In distant and forbidden place Through visions of the spirit’s grace She looked upon her lover’s face Her timid spirit love confessed In quiet darkness it undressed And lay awaiting his caress His gentle hand upon its flesh No wicked wind or albatross Could so create a lover’s loss No sorrow could the beast beget As soul to soul the lovers met Impassioned spirits intertwined And kissed the kiss and sipped the wine On purest love the spirits dined Until the timeless end of time Elizabeth Santos [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 03-21-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Liz, As I've said before, I have a soft spot when it comes to love poems (probably because I'm not very good at writing them), and I enjoyed this one. I assume the speaker is painting a picture of a lover known only through computerized communication, or to put it in more contemporary, but colder terms, a CL. Must be a very difficult situation, though the poem attributes many of the same feelings experienced in a traditional relationship. Good luck and best wishes, Kristine P.S. Sorry, I got so caught up in the poem itself, I forgot to say that I liked the ryhme scheme, although I think the first paragraph should have the same four line rhyming. JMHO Nice work, Liz.< !signature--> Let compassion breathe in and out of you filling you with poems. ~ Jane Cooper [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 03-19-2000).] |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
L~ Some advice that was once given to me about poetry was to avoid using the "s" word as it is considered overused. Personally I think it's probably OK to use in the title, but then the challenge is to replace it somehow. Instead of, His soul in its alloted space Perhaps, His thoughts in their alloted space and instead of,Her timid soul then love confessed Perhaps, Her timid spirit than confessed. The last line reads, "Until the end of timeless time" Elizabeth Santos I would have liked, "Until the timeless end of time," by bboog. But that's just me. (smile) I liked the nice smooth flow to this piece. bboog |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Kristine, This could possibly be a computer relationship, but I had in mind any two people who are in love and cannot be together, only in spirit. And I do believe we communicate spiritually. Thank you for reading and for commenting. Liz bboog, Interesting comments, I didn't know the word soul was overused. I could change that one line to "Her timid spirit love confessed". But I love your suggestion for the last line and am making the change, "until the timeless end of time". YES! That is much better. Thanks Liz |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Elizabeth: This is a beautiful love poem. Rhyme and meter are flawless throughout and I am impressed by how well you developed your theme. About "soul". I think the problem so many people have with "soul" that makes it seemed overused is that many use it to try to exagerate a feeling. For example, "My soul groaned" or "My soul longed for her". I don't think you are using "soul" as hyperbole in your poem so I, personally, do not have any problem with its use. I think you are talking about actual souls. If you are talking about two souls actually meeting miraculously then this is not an exageration of something natural, it is a description of a remarkable event. Do you see where I am going with this? The first hint to me that you are talking about real souls and not using the word tritely is your mention of a "great divide" in the first line of the third stanza. I am thinking that one of the lovers in this poem is dead (death is often referred to as the Great Divide). My only doubt that my interpretation is the right one is your use of "a great divide" which suggests that there is more than one great divide and, therefore, that you are not referring to death. If you did mean death, I would suggest changing the first line of the third stanza to read: "The ocean of the great divide". Also, "His soul in its allotted space / In distant and forbidden place / Through visions of the spirit's grace / She looked upon her lover's face". If you meant "spirit" as in "Holy Spirit" then your "S" should be capitalized. If not then the lower case works. This seems to be telling of two lovers separated by death, the man's soul "in distant and forbidden place", probably Heaven. One awkward line to me was "Her heart was swept into abyss". Maybe "Her heart [or hope] was swept to the abyss". Just a suggestion. Very moving poem, Elizabeth. Thank you for posting this. I enjoyed it. Jim [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 03-19-2000).] |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Jim. Thank you for your comments.For some reason, I keep waiting for piranha jaws to sink into my poetry, but you have all been too kind, maybe because I am new to this forum. But to answer your response, there was no suggestion of death intended. It is the feeling you get when you are in love with someone who is far away, and you visit them spiritually. Sometimes you are thinking of someone, and it is because they are thinking of you. Just as you can visit someone this way, so can you love someone spiritually, someone that you can't be with physically. By "distant and forbidden place", I meant that I couldn't visit him physically because he is in a marriage (a forbidden place), so we can only be together in our thoughts. The spirit is not the Holy Spirit, but rather his spirit. I was so wrapped in the spiritual encounter, I could see his face. I liked your suggestion, "Her heart was swept to the abyss" Thank you for your remarks Liz |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Liz, I must apologize, if it is truly of a lost loved one that you write. My first response must have seemed a bit trite, and I meant no harm. Now, upon rereading and knowing more of the true meaning, I am so touched by this, and feel that you have done a beautiful tribute to the soul of whom you speak. Please accept my apologies... Kristine Let compassion breathe in and out of you filling you with poems. ~ Jane Cooper |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
"For some reason, I keep waiting for piranha jaws to sink into my poetry, ..." I would love to know the source of this slander! This is the most openly honest yet civil forum on the web filled with wonderfully nice people! I bet the rumor starter is someone who submitted a roses are red, violets are blue poem here.   Noticed you are in Pottstown, by the way. I'm in Lancaster. Always good to meet another Pennsylvanian, don't you agree?Later. Jim P.S. The poem still works for me even though I missed the mark a little bit. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Kristine, Don't be silly! It's just a poem!. I liked your interpretation. It is so true for many people who have met on the web, and have fallen in love with each others' minds. I wasn't writing about any particular person, only referring to "him" as an explanation of the poem. And please don't ever apologize for interpreting my poetry differently from what was intended. If it stirred the least bit of emotion, that is good. It doesn't matter how you saw it. Thanks for taking the time to respond Liz Jim, By jaws, I was not referring to people, but to words, and there are many who don't venture into this forum for fear of words. I find you all highly knowledgable and critical in a very constructive way and that is why I posted here. and you are right, this forum is very civilized, interesting, and extremely informative. Just reading the poetry and the critiques has been wonderful for me. I wouldn't call that remark slanderous, but rather a recognition of the caliber of the poetry and of the analysis that goes on here. If that weren't recognized, you'd get a lot more "roses are red" poems. There is a lot of talent on this forum. I realize that I don't fit in the ranks of others here, but I do enjoy intelligent critiques and that is what this is all about. Now, you being so close here in Pennsylvania, I'm hoping some of the vibrations from that brilliant poetic mind of yours will make there way over here. My brain could use some stimulation. It's great knowing the poets who live here in Pa., but I just got back from Florida where I met 6 of them. Great fun! Glad to know you live so close. I've been to Lancaster many times on business but can no longer work. Thanks for your comments Liz |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Liz, Don't worry, as long as you continue to write as well as this one was done, I don't think there is much danger of pirhana jaws. I agree, you rhyme and meter were right on and the metaphor for emotional separation was very well executed. You presented some beautiful images of a sad situation. Congratulations. I liked your revised final line. Kris and Jim suggested quite different interpretations, both different also from your own explanation. All three were equally plausible. Most likely, others are also. For some reason I felt it as you described, even before seeing any comments, including yours. So, in my case at least, you painted the picture quite clearly. Finally, I agree with Jim about the overuse and proper use of soul. Considering his interpretation of the poem, soul seems entirely appropriate. But with your explanation it may be borderline. I think you might again consider Bboog's remarks. In this light, his suggestions seem to work just as well as your original and remove any reason for anyone to call it cliched. Just my thoughts on the matter. Thanks for a well written poem. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Pete, Thank you for your comments and suggestions. As I say, I am learning from this forum, and appreciate any criticisms or suggestions. It is so helpful. And I will take bboog's suggestion on the one line, "Her timid spirit love confessed". It works and it even sounds better. THanks again for your remarks Liz |
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