»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
A Coloured Sound Shape
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
A Coloured Sound Shape |
|
|
Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
White z'd schapps of crickling doors stststuttering to a still begone, Red asthmatic hurlps from snackling knuckles, Bluegreen popjacks: a house purring into foundation with slow, sagging shoulder shrugs. Orange glossed blots of chewing mnacks and hoishts from an up-down mismannered mouth, mulato glass splash from booms of night's electric veins, dobbles and dobbles of transparent trimmed feedles zipping towards disappearence before annoyed fingers "off" the morning switch. An ear it ain't enough to bore the sounds that deserve an eye to listen. [This message has been edited by Trevor (edited 03-18-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Trevor Davis - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This is interesting. It stays with you (always a good sign). I am a little confused by the 'to no bore' but I enjoyed the sound and the feel of it. Does anybody know the name of the condition where people actually see the sounds (the wiring in the brain is mixed up) instead of hearing? Brad |
||
|
Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
i read this over and over trying my best to figure out what it meant and couldn't even get close....until i read Brads critique (which i thought was a little weak...not his ususual sharp and explicit)and it dawned on me trevor was describing a form of auditory recognition deficit...i slapped myself aside the head and said...i could have a had a v-8. Now i should have gotten this right off because i suffer from the alphbetical numerical reversal syndrome where numerical images appear in my mind as alphabetic characters...now you can just imagine how hard that made algebra, calcus and trig for me...hate to even think about it now. well anyway trevor, i sympathize with your condition and can now tell you that your poem makes perfect sense...you have truly captured one of the many facets of auditory recognition deficit to perfection. wonderful work! |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Wow trevor - this is very fascinating...given the info in the previous two posts I re-read this and I think you have done a most clever job here. The fact that this is immediately confusing and bewildering just underscores the subject of the piece, I suppose that may have been your intent? (I am assuming here that Brad and Diana's interpretations are the aim of the poem?) Some of the sounds in your language just run so well together. Such as: 'mulato glass splash from booms of night's electric viens,' (though viens is spelled veins  ) - which is definitely my favourite line.One thing - I'm not sure I like the placement of 'slow' where it is - it seems a little empty on its own, though I personally use many words as stand-alones in my own writing and find them very effective. I don't know - it just seems to jar a tad! Basically quite wunnerful. K 'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
||
|
Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello, BRAD: Kinda disappointed with your brief critique even though you did point out the confusion of "to no bore". I guess I expected a little more feedback from you. I really didn't get a clear picture as to what you thought of the poem other than it was interesting. DIANE: "it dawned on me trevor was describing a form of auditory recognition deficit." I wasn't aware it had a technical name. "i suffer from the alphbetical numerical reversal syndrome where numerical images appear in my mind as alphabetic characters...now you can just imagine how hard that made algebra, calcus and trig for me...hate to even think about it now." Sounds like it could have made life a little difficult for you. "well anyway trevor, i sympathize with your condition" I don't think I should be sympathized with, I think its a interesting experience I sometimes have. It's not like I don't hear things and only see them but I hear and see noise simultaneously sometimes....usually catches me off guard. I also used to feel and sort of taste what I drank on the right side of my face, but that sensation is a rarity for me now, kinda miss it though when it first started it was a little freaky. "...you have truly captured one of the many facets of auditory recognition deficit to perfection. wonderful work!" Thanks for your compliments though I think the poem still needs a little work. SEVERN: "The fact that this is immediately confusing and bewildering just underscores the subject of the piece, I suppose that may have been your intent?" Not really my intent though I was surprised that Brad and Diane picked up so quickly on what it was. My intent was to just try and capture some of the sounds that make me see things and I was hoping that I could do it in a way that wouldn't be confusing to the reader but rather maybe present a new experience for them. "Such as: 'mulato glass splash from booms of night's electric viens,' (though viens is spelled veins ) - which is definitely my favourite line." Thanks for the typo catch, I think that's my favourite line of the poem as well....sat for about ten minutes staring blankly into the screen to think of a word to use other than rainbow colours. "One thing - I'm not sure I like the placement of 'slow' where it is - it seems a little empty on its own, though I personally use many words as stand-alones in my own writing and find them very effective. I don't know - it just seems to jar a tad!" I agreed with ya here, it didn't really cause a "slow" effect but rather a burp in the flow. Thanks for the advice, I already gave it an edit. "Basically quite wunnerful." Tankyou. Thanks to all for taking the time to read and comment, Trevor |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
