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For Ted Reynolds
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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For Ted Reynolds |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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the greatest art is to make it look as if it wasn't art but natural well,i like your haiku and am inspired to write this.this may not be haiku but it is indeed heartfelt  Unappreciated She leaps up in joy "Oh,what beautiful flowers" Then takes a deep sniff and frowns Hurls them back at the idiot "Damn you!These are fake!" pls do share with me more of your haiku....i really want to learn ")[This message has been edited by kaile (edited 03-16-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
try tanka instead...youll love it! |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Thanks for your offering. The poor "idiot" didn't realize that you have to make them *smell* real too. Just did this one for you -- The chill of winter Never used to cut so deep -- Now she can't feel it. And another -- She's in heaven now so everything's okay, okay, okay . . . God? Try to keep to the syllable count, but if a poem feels really right, you can ignore the count. After all, the effect is what really matters. Diana: remind us of the rules of tanka. I'll try it. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
dear Ted,tanka is another form of Japanese poetry with 5 lines(5-7-5-7-7 syllable count).it doesn't have to be restricted about nature--it can be about love,friendship etc i'm experimenting with this form too.hope i will succeed some day!! ;0)thank you for your haikus!i just did one yesterday,taking note to include nature in the haiku...here goes.... thank for ur insight "0)An Empty Old Woman Sits still,gazing out This withered lone red rose stands Hollow existence Hmmm...do you think this is readable?...do offer your comments.. |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
I like it, Kaile. May I try to make a tanka out of your haiku? And add a more positive hint? Empty old woman. Grandchildren playing outside. The rose is withered. One by one the petals fall. One by one the buds open. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
thank you for your interpretation....i like the way the buds spout out...does bring hope in the reader regarding the old woman ")the greatest art of all is to make it look as if it wasn't art but natural.. the more i read this line,the more i like it...and so have attempted to write this haiku Surreal Tourists sweat and fan Penguins swim amidst ice chunks Behind thick glass walls any comments appreciated ") |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Tourists sweat and fan Penguins swim amidst ice chunks Behind thick glass walls I like this a lot. It's a new image to me in print, although I think I've been in that very aquarium. I feel both the heat and the cold in the same poem. Although this is great as is, sometime you might want to tinker, because I think you want to end with the feeling of either the sweat or the ice; the glass walls aren't important enough to end on. But you find the way that feels best to you. I'm not fooling when I say this is a very fine haiku. [This message has been edited by Ted Reynolds (edited 04-05-2000).] |
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