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Moderators' Choice -- "The Salesman" by warmhrt
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Moderators' Choice -- "The Salesman" by warmhrt |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash 
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This week the spotlight is on the remarkably talented warmhrt (a/k/a Kris). One gets the impression that the salesman in this poem isn't merely a salesman in what the CA moderators agree is an excellent example of "read-between-the-lines" poetry. Congratulations, Kris. *** He had it down, perfectly, An oft practiced pitch, A wheeler-dealer, selling himself, Just as he sold those packages. The packages of such shallow promise, Decorated with gaudy ribbons, pretty bows, Fancy foil wrappings in sparkling hues, That when torn away, exposed the rhetoric, Laid bare the prevarication, the duplicity, The atrophied essence of what could yet Be untainted sincerity. If only he knew, that he was not the center, The core, the heart. A swaggering egotist, Over-full of confidence, But also diaphanous in my sight, My perception, and my judgement. And so, I did not make any deals, Do any bargaining, I didn't buy the embellished facade, But I know he'll just go down the road, Looking for a trusting, gullible woman, Who will order the entire package, And pay for it at much more Than market price. |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Jim, I realize this poem is already a finished product but I think there is a typo on "judgement" should be "judgment" Also a title like "The Bible Salesman" might be appropriate. Maybe even describe his features like David Koresh of the Branch Davidians? Just a thought. best regards, bboog |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Firstly thanks to Bob B for pointing out something I hadn’t realised, the variant spelling of judgement. I’ve never seen it spelt without the “E”, and yet in a Biblical context ie Last Judgment this is the only spelling that Webster’s gives! It can definitely be spelt with an “e” however and i don’t think Kris necessarily had Bible salesmen in mind with this poem? I may be wrong though! Excellent images throughout and some clever bits: “Perfect pitch” .... lol ..nice play on words kris. I think the key is in the first stanza which basically signals the fact that the poem is going to be an extended metaphor. This is a guy selling himself to a woman in the same way as he sells his wares, and just as his packages are wrapped in gaudy and outwardly enticing frippery, so he seeks to wrap his own shallow character in the same way in order to sell it. The only lines that I struggled a little with were: “The atrophied essence of what could yet Be untainted sincerity.” For some reason these seemed just a little forced or maybe “heavy”. Perhaps it’s just the more complex language. Also however i wasn’t entirely sure what was being said here. Are you saying that despite the wasting away of his character there might still be some hope for true sincerity, or is it merely that the woman (the speaker) hasn’t quite made up her mind yet, she still holds out some hope that the “package” might yet hold some element of worthiness? It has to be one of those? If the first then I’m not sure that it “fits” well with the rest of the piece. I loved the whole concept of a man like that not managing to fool the speaker .. didn’t love so much the ending with it very clever but ominous threat of the fate (the life) awaiting some less astute woman .. the price. This poem is I think a great example of using of the characteristics of one object (or idea) to draw insightful parallels with another apparently unrelated object ie the parcels with the man. It is especially neat that the two objects inter-relate in this case, and moreover to add to the intrigue the speaker herself is actually a player in the plot as well ..... excellent job Kris. I hope i haven’t missed anything ... Jim’s comment “One gets the impression that the salesman in this poem isn't merely a salesman” kind of makes me think perhaps the salesman is some personage (a philosopher maybe..lol) of whom i know nothing ... or maybe he just meant that as well as being a salesman he is also a suitor? Help !! Thanks Kris Philip |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I really like this piece, it to me is an understandable analogy of a man who in simple words protrays himself as God' gift to a certain woman and tries to sell himself as such. I think it is well written except I did have trouble reading the two lines as mentioned above "The atrophied essence of what could yet Be untainted sincerity." To me it has to do more with the sound effect more than the meaning of the words. Somehow I would eliminate "of what could yet Be" in order to make it read smoother. That's my two cents worth. |
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