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In Love With You
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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In Love With You |
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
I love what I do not understand. I hate myself for not understanding what I love... Forgive me for playing mother. I would give you a million dollars for your thoughts. The thoughts that make me think like nobodys thoughts do are in my head , I can only conclude that I love you very much. In this web of souverign souls ,Icons on parade , laughs for sale ,I only want to get out. I only wish to go to that summer before elementary school ,when I knew who I was. If I had known you then , we would have held hands in the sunshine and our names would have been side by side on the blackboard. My intentions are true. My heart is my dearest enemy , for it pumps red blood and makes me mortal. I will always feel guilty for that heart of mine. Nobody treasures a soul like yours , like I do. Yet i dont speak , and im sorry. I owe everyone everything , but i have never been the one who waits for a payment , untill now. Yes , all I can draw from my unintelligible confusion , Is that I love you , very very much. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I have to say this is one of the most interesting things I have read of yours. It's got some interesting twists and turns: I love what I do not understand. I hate myself for not understanding what I love... Forgive me for playing mother. --I love the ambiguity here. Are you playing mother because you are talking about your son or are you mothering a lover. It fits either way. Hmmmm, do any of us truly understand this feeling? I would give you a million dollars for your thoughts. --I would rewrite this one. It jars. The thoughts that make me think like nobodys thoughts do are in my head , I can only conclude that I love you very much. --I like this. Well written with a strong combination of heart and mind at the same time. In this web of souverign [typo] souls ,Icons on parade , laughs for sale ,I only want to get out. --Okay, the modern world but 'get out' doesn't seem to quite fit with the rest of the poem. Maybe expand this part. I only wish to go to that summer before elementary school ,when I knew who I was. --I really like this line. It is almost always the reverse (do children know who they 'are' yet?) Is identity really that solid at this age. You seem to be implying so. Philosophically, I disagree but I like the fact that you entertain this idea. Good twist. If I had known you then , we would have held hands in the sunshine and our names would have been side by side on the blackboard. --I think you can do more here. Expand on the school images. I think it could make the poem more entertaining. My intentions are true. My heart is my dearest enemy , for it pumps red blood and makes me mortal. --Again, while I probably disagree with anything wrong with mortality, I do like the twist with the beginning and the general feel that one should write 'from the heart'. I will always feel guilty for that heart of mine. Nobody treasures a soul like yours , like I do. Yet i dont speak , and im sorry. --This is confusing. I owe everyone everything , but i have never been the one who waits for a payment , untill now. --Intriguing. Think you should pursue this idea more. Yes , all I can draw from my unintelligible confusion , Is that I love you , very very much. --I like this. I might clean up the punctuation a bit and check the spelling of a few words here and there but this strikes me as an honest expression of real feelings. It lacks any type of artifice but still alludes to some interesting images and contains some nice twists and contradictions. Thanks, Brad |
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
wow brad.It means alot to me that you found this interesting.thank you. here are my thoughts... I have always been a mother figure to my friends , recently one of my dearest friends had a falling out with me , or more like a misunderstanding.She is complex and highly intelligent and i always will admire that in her.I feel though that she is so intelligent that I have looked over important points in her and thats my fault.Its like a battle of words and through all of the arguements and thoughts and words that I have no answer but only a conclusion , that I love her.It was one of those latenight ,confused whatever pops into my head things.Im sorry if this is a sketchy synopsis of my feelings ,I guess even I dont Know. Thanks for the great points though! |
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
I love this work...it speaks eloquently from the heart of one who gives and gives... |
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