»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Your Gone (a song)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Your Gone (a song) |
|
|
hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
This is a little song i wrote the other day. Just thought it sounded cool so i'll share it with you all. Imagine some cool music being played while you read it, (just for dramatics j/k). Here ya go stuck in this simulation devoid of stimulation my brain falls on weakened knees breakin' out, where's my keys broke down the wall, now i can see I must get away from man's inhumanity I know that place that place where we sat alone wastin' life away knowin' one day i'd be gone Just like parted friends back together to tie up loose ends one end in your hand of strif other lenced around me, draining my life I know that place that place where we sat alone wastin' life away knowin' one day i'd be gone Just like fighters on the battle field i turned my back, my fate is sealed time has run out, almost to the end remember back in the day when you were my friend You know that place where we sat alone i wasted my life away and i knew when i came back you'd be gone 3-7-00 "Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it." Henry David Thoreau Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Hoppy - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
overall i'd have to say that i am pleased with this song. too often, you see songs filled with platitudes and trite rhyme. your song seems to avoid that and keep its focus, which is impressive. i like the change in the refrain at the end. that works really well. one minor point, which i wouldn't even bring up were it not a song, is the rhythm in this section. Just like fighters on the battle field i turned my back, my fate is sealed time has run out, almost to the end remember back in the day when you were my friend the last line is awkward. it doesn't follow the same format as the stanza above it. also i find it odd that there are no stanzas with the same format as the first one. anyways, thanks for sharing this. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
