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Conspiring Thoughts
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Conspiring Thoughts |
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LenMcC1 Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 68 |
If I fall will you catch me? If I grieve will you console me? If I smile will you smile with me? If I love you will you love me? Everything I know Is nothing without a world to live in Everything I feel Is nothing without someone to touch me Everything I see Is nothing but a silhouette of a dream Hope to love Is not on my path Hope to hate Is somewhere on the way Hope to be lonely Was always a reality Knowing the truth Is a lie to myself Knowing how to live Is death to my soul Knowing her Is all I have Everything I know Is nothing without a world to live in Everything I feel Is nothing without someone to touch me Everything I see Is nothing but a silhouette of a dream |
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| © Copyright 2000 LenMcC1 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Len: I'm not sure if I've read any of your work before so, please excuse me if I'm repeating myself but, welcome to Critical Analysis. Let's take a look-see, shall we? I liked the format of your poem. I noticed that in stanzas 2 through the end you had 3 "Everythings", 3 "Knowings", 3 "Hopes", and 3 "Everythings" but in the first stanza you had 4 "If I's". I thought that it was obvious that you were talking about love in this one and would suggest that you drop the last line of the first stanza in order to preserve your otherwise impeccable parallelism. I suspect that by "silhouette of a dream" you mean something that is even more difficult to recall than a dream but I'm not certain how this describes "Everything you see". Thanks for posting and welcome to CA. I look forward to reading more of your work. Jim |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
hello there,i like this very much!short,simple,yet so true!i like poems that don't ramble on and on....(as mine tend to do!Ha!  )i esp like the 3rd and 4th stanzas.... |
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