»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
In Unison
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
In Unison |
|
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
It began a long time ago (Don't ask me when I wasn't born yet). But one person, Probably adolescent, Looked up at the sky And said, I'm special, I'm unique but why can't Anybody else see that? And somebody else said (Don't ask me whom, I wasn't there, Remember?) I see that you're special And that you're unique, And the little girl said (Don't ask me why because It just as easily could've been a boy): No, you don't understand, You pretentious fool, I don't care what you think, I'm more special than special, I'm more unique than unique. Why can't you see that? And then, in this place (Don't ask me where but I'm Pretty sure they spoke English.) Some one heard this little cry And it spread like Ebola in New York And then some three hundred million Individuals took up the chant (Well, almost): I don't care what you think. I'm special. I'm unique. I don't care what you think. I'm special. I'm unique. I don't care what you think. (Yeah, just keep it going inside your head.) But nobody was listening (not yet) Because everybody was screaming In unison. At some point (Don't ask me -- you know!) Someone heard these cries, these howls, Someone who was familiar with An Austrian book, and thought You know I can make Some money If I set up shop And pretend to listen Because I'm the one who's special And I'm the one unique. [This message has been edited by Brad (edited 03-02-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Brad - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Brad, Gosh, how is it that you always make me think too hard? As usual, this one is pretty deep. I really want to comment but right now I have to make a dollar or two so I don't have time to properly analyze it. You do understand I can't just say "Great" or "Crappy" as Trevor would then send me to timeout or something. So, I'll do a little work then come back to this critique later. Well, thanks and bye for now. Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Alright, Brad. I'm giving this one a shot. I think the big clue in this one is the Austrian book. I only know of four Austrians who wrote and had a significant influence on history: Ludwig Von Wittgenstein, Freud (he was Austrian, right?), Zwingli and Adolf Hitler. I am willing to eliminate Zwingli as a possibility, I can believe you've read Wittgenstein and I think it is safe to assume you've atleast read about both Freud & Hitler. If it was none of the remaining three then the allusion was lost to me. I am leaning toward Hitler being the author of the Austrian book, Mien Kamff (sp?) but I strongly suspect Freud could be a possibility. Hitler would be the choice if you focus on the "more special than special, more unique than unique" and Freud comes to mind when you consider the "set up shop / pretend to listen" lines. That said I think I could go either way with this one and either way the message comes across clearly (if that is the right word in this case). If it is Hitler then the person at the end is capitalizing off of the needs of those who feel as though they must be MORE special and MORE unique than (therefore, superior) everyone else. If it is Freud then someone is capitalizing off the the felt needs of these shouting people to feel more special or more unique (and be told so, kinda like in Open Forum ... who said that!?!  ). More or less the same message, the former being more sinister, of course.I'm not sure about the "spread like Ebola in New York" thing. Ebola is spread by drinking contaminated water (I think) and is not an airborne virus. An ebola outbreak would probably be fairly well contained. The flu would spread much faster, I think, but wouldn't have the same "deadly" effect of ebola simile. I like your tongue-in-cheek use of hyperbole here, by the way. I know you were chuckling with each clever over-statement you made. Have you no shame? I look forward to seeing how much I missed and how far my interpretation is off.Thanks for the thought-provoking read. Jim [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 03-02-2000).] |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I wrote the rough draft a long time ago. Recently, I was looking through my notebook and found it and started working on it again. Jim, your interpretation of the Austrian allusion is perfect. It is intended as both H. and F. but not W. (I agree with most of what he says). I don't know Z. Ebola is water transmitted? I thought it was air. Damn, do I have to change that to anthrax? Time to do a little research. Brad  |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Perfect? Woo-hoo!!! Actually, Freud was influenced considerably by Wittgenstein, particularly in his view of religion being a wish fulfillment so, whether you like it or not, Wittgenstein could be included in there too.  I'm glad I got this one right (I never know with your poetry, Brad).Jim |
||
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Brad, I very much liked the poem, but couldn't quite grasp the full meaning. I deduced that it was someone who affected the masses, but couldn't figure out who...suspected it was Hitler, but Freud never entered my mind. It fits, though, Freud was just as looney as Hitler, though not as evil. May I ask you (and others who might happen to see this) a question? I value your opinion. You, and Jimbo usually write pieces that only each other can figure out, either because the content contains historical facts not generally known, or the language is such that it must be deciphered. I, and I'm sure others, have recieved replies stating that a piece is too obvious, and when I write a more obscure one, I'm told it's too difficult to figure out...make it clearer. I'm confused, and, at this point, feel I should just write them the way I want to. Can you (or anyone else) enlighten me? Thanks...and very nice work, Kris A Marrowless Assembly, Is culpabler than shame ~ Emily Dickinson |
||
|
patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
This is a really good poem, very simple, but with depth. I love the irony of the poem, "Nobody was listening because everyone was screaming in unison". Hilarious. And your twist at the end who I interpreted as Freud, was brilliant, just a really well written piece. I think i enjoyed it because it told like a story, or a little fable. Excellent. |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kris: I think you've raised a good point. If I remember correctly, I couldn't figure out your sweater poem but others had little difficulty doing so. Please don't interpret my frustration with myself (when I couldn't grasp the imagery in your poem) as frustration with your choice of allusion/metaphor. Actually, I look forward to your next "obscure" piece so that I can redeem myself. You gave plenty of hints in your piece (hints I realized were there after the piece was interpreted by those who understood it) and that is what I think set it apart from a merely vague poem. Some people write obscure poetry without giving the reader anything to go on (clues) to aid him/her in grasping the meaning(s) of the poem. This kind of poem is bad obscurity. Your sweater poem (and Brad's "In Unison" poem) wasn't. In the case of Brad's poem, it's just nice that one other person in the world knows who Wittgenstein is (even if that other person is half-a-world away). Brad and I do have a common interest in Philosophy and this common interest did make it easier for me to understand what Brad was getting at in this poem. The "Austrian book" and "pretend to listen" were the clues that gave his poem direction, without them his poem would have been, IMHO, in the "bad obscurity" category. I don't think the poem was so much about someone who affected the masses as much as it is about someone who, depending on your interpretation, (1) manipulates the masses (bringing out the worst in them) by appealling to their pettiness and, thereby, prospering (recognition, power, money, whatever) or (2) placates the masses by telling them what they want to hear or listening (or pretending to listen) to their whining for a couple bucks, thereby prospering (again, recognition, power, money, whatever). Neither interpretation leaves room for the "masses" growing out of their petty selfishness. Did I get this right, Brad? Good question, Kris. I hope my answer was satisfactory. Jim P.S. Brad, FYI, Zwingli was an Austrian reformer whose disagreements with Martin Luther over certain Christian doctrines caused a division in the Protestant Reformation movement. [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 03-03-2000).] |
||
|
Leslie New Member
since 2000-01-07
Posts 8 |
Hi Brad, Enjoyed this one. The poem has a chanting rhythm that gets inside your head and also goes well with theme. I read this yesterday before I left for work, so didn't have a chance to comment sooner. But to make you laugh, I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth to the rhythm of 'I don't care what you think, I am special, I'm unique.'. For some reason my mind kept wanting to change the lines into, I'm more special than unique, more unique than special. Must be the rhythm because it really doesn't make much sense that way. Could be wrong, but I thought some strains of ebola were airborne and could be acquired by just inhaling contaminated mice droppings. I don't care what you think. (Yeah, just keep it going inside your head.)* this line made me laugh!* But nobody was listening (not yet) Because everybody was screaming In unison.*good!* At some point (Don't ask me -- you know!)*while I usually don't like parentheticals, they work well in this poem, I thought, liked the voice of narrator* Someone heard these cries, these howls, Someone who was familiar with An Austrian book, and thought You know I can make Some money If I set up shop And pretend to listen Because I'm the one who's special And I'm the one unique. I missed the Hitler reference, thought it was totally Freud. I found I was dissappointed with the last two lines. I wanted to see someone who was outside this mass of narcissism, didn't buy into it, consciously used it to exploit their weakness and then like Liberace laughed all the way to the bank. Guess I wanted a real poke at the whole narcisistic attitude. It certainly has been exploited by everyone from McDonalds on up. You deserve a break today! Enjoyed, Leslie Kadoom. Kadoom. Ka- dooom. Kadoom. Now I have beaten a song back into you, rise & walk away like a panther. 'Ode to the Drum' by Usef Komunyakaa |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Leslie: That's the Hunta (sp?) virus, common in the American southwest. Sincerely, Know-it-all Jim |
||
|
roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
brad- this one makes me smile. i can't help it. at first i was a little afraid it might be one of those "declaring one's individuality" things. but i was pleasantly surprised. I don't care what you think. I'm special. I'm unique. I don't care what you think. I'm special. I'm unique i wasn't sure i liked this part, but i think that the narration part, the "yeah just keep it going in your head part" improves it a lot. But one person, Probably adolescent, hey now, are you implying that this is a trademark of the teenage years? i would say more "someone's parents (probably an adolescent) made them look in the mirror and say five nice things about herself and then screamed at her when she could only muster a sarcastic three." but that's just me i thought this poem was crticizing "professional therpaists" and people of that sort. i didn't even consider the hitler thing, but i guess the "in unison" if thought of as literal, could be a huge group of people, a rally, a "supreme" race, chanting and trying to overthrow the "inferior" race.but there were just a couple things that made me think more the american trend of self help. first the allusion new york. that makes one think of america, not really germany. then the austrian part. i think of freud, not hitler. we common folk often associate hitler with nazi germany. the adolescent part also makes me think of more of a whining than a despotic chanting. the rhythm of the "i am special, i'm unique" then seems to be a mindless, brainwashed drone, all the while an appeal for attention. but nobody can hear, right? because we're too busy chanting and screaming to hear anyone else. i have to admit i like hearing the hitler side of this one, but i relate better to the freud one. couldn't tell you about ebola, but i also thought it was airborne. so, in short, i liked it. |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Thanks to all who replied. Kris, It's a tension that we have to face. I don't want to write poetry that everybody 'relates' to, I want to write something that makes you think something you haven't before. I also want something that is accessible, that can be read in one setting, but that you come back to (for any of a number of different reasons). I didn't think the reference was that obscure (most people went with F. and that's fine with me). I left it vague because I wanted to create a layer that H. is at least possible in a world where people are demanding recognition without actually doing anything and not giving it to others. The spark, if you will, is a common enough idea that Japan is unique. Okay, of course it is. All countries are unique. All people are special. No big deal there, right? But somehow when you explain it like that these screamers sort of turn off to you. They seem disappointed because what they're really trying to say is "I want to be recognized as someone better than others" without any effort. Just naturally. This deeply scares me because I suspect that intuitively they know something is wrong with this idea but would rather continue asking for more than in doing anything resembling work. Anyway, it's a fine line between writing something that is so accessible, it becomes just another poem about the same ideas or the same imagery and writing a poem that is so different, so mystery laden, that it become incomprehensible. It's the tension, partly at least, that creates what people would call a great poem. I think I've found it on two or three of my poems -- but certainly not on them all. Brad PS Leslie, I'm trying to picture you brush your teeth to that. Roxane, now there's another interesting image for a poem, don't you think? |
||
|
Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hey Brad, Sorry I'm so late with this one. "It began a long time ago (Don't ask me when I wasn't born yet). But one person, Probably adolescent, Looked up at the sky And said, I'm special, I'm unique but why can't Anybody else see that? And somebody else said (Don't ask me whom, I wasn't there, Remember?)" I like the tone set with the parenthethis'(sp?), worked nicely. Can't really add anything constructive except maybe line two should have a comma? Very solid opening stanza that leaves the reader intrigued to where it is leading them. "I see that you're special And that you're unique, And the little girl said (Don't ask me why because It just as easily could've been a boy):" Pretty solid stanza as well, however I was wondering if you had just added "little girl" and "boy" for the sake of not having to say "someone" rather than their being a more specific meaning to it? Just curious. "No, you don't understand, You pretentious fool, I don't care what you think, I'm more special than special, I'm more unique than unique. Why can't you see that? And then, in this place (Don't ask me where but I'm Pretty sure they spoke English.) Some one heard this little cry And it spread like Ebola in New York And then some three hundred million Individuals took up the chant (Well, almost):" I liked the layering or what I interpreted as layering...."Pretty sure they spoke English", I thought to be a jab at Westerners always relating things in terms of Westernized society. "I don't care what you think. I'm special. I'm unique. I don't care what you think. I'm special. I'm unique. I don't care what you think. (Yeah, just keep it going inside your head.)" In my opinion I thought the these three stanzas might work better squeezed together giving it a feel of self brainwashing, "I don't care what you think. I'm special. I'm unique. I don't care what you think. I'm special. I'm unique. I don't care what you think. (Yeah, just keep it going inside your head.)" "But nobody was listening (not yet) Because everybody was screaming In unison." Though short this stanza still conveys a witty poignant message. "At some point (Don't ask me -- you know!)" Maybe consider losing "you know" and just have "Don't ask me!", might convey frustration of the author unable to answer questions better. "Someone heard these cries, these howls, Someone who was familiar with An Austrian book, and thought" I too thought it was Freud but I see how Hitler works as well. "You know I can make Some money If I set up shop And pretend to listen Because I'm the one who's special And I'm the one unique." Loved the ending. This is a good thought provoking poem that pokes fun at the message of "He can't be the smartest cause I'm the smartest". Made me think of all those self help feel good guides that churn one into a self loving machine. Anyways, good solid read, thanks and take care, Trevor |
||
|
Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
i look at others through a little window and see how silly and posturing they are trivial absurd unimportant not like ME until suddenly I spot myself out there and realize it's not a window after all but a mirror |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Trevor, You've brought this 'crunch' method to me certain times in the past as well (I remember it from the talk show). I'm intrigued by the idea and have some ideas on how to use it in future poems. Ted, Yes and no. The ending part of the poem is really an attempt to show the vacuous nature of the statement itself. It is correct of course but it is useless in anything that we would describe as the real world. In the real world it is 'success' that determines the hierarchy. I leave the factors for 'success' vague so as to leave it open to a variety of interpretations. Severn might call it a kind of tautology: We respect success because success, by definition, is what we respect. On the other hand, I am endlessly fascinated by the idea that what we try to explain or describe is always and already ourselves. Just letting the thoughts go, Brad |
||
|
Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
Not too shabby Brad! "And though the jagged summits of the mountain range are barren in the chilly sunlight, the rock is greening in patches and goats there are nibbling scanty nouishment." (Goethe) " The ending part of the poem is really an attempt to show the vacuous nature of the statement itself." |
||
|
LittleBoyLost Junior Member
since 2000-03-14
Posts 28 |
This is very good Brad. I thought of Adolph Hitler first (I just saw a documentary about him on the Discovery Channel) but the last lines had me thinking about Sigmund Freud. This seems to be about the many people who care about nobody else but themselves. [This message has been edited by LittleBoyLost (edited 03-14-2000).] |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
