Where Are You Richard Pryor?

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Critical Analysis #1

Where Are You Richard Pryor?

dbarbera
New Member

since 2000-02-22

Posts 8
Dallas, TX USA

0 posted 2000-02-24 07:46 AM

Setting here waiting
for my funny bone to be tickled,
there is nothing but stupidity.
Clowns with painted smiles
frolic and stumble upon the stage
pretending at tags, snags, hooks and punch lines.
I hear raw lines without meat on the bone,
without Swiss timing or an atomic clock;
all fall on shallow ears and empty intellects
without a knowing twinkle in the eye.
No one hurts my sides
or makes tears bug from my laughing eyes.
Bombs whistle down from all angles
falling on sparsely populated intellects
where no damage is sustained.
My mouth can manage neither smirk nor smile,
only locked lips wishing humorous hilarity would rake me,
kicking up clouds of dust in the sediment of my mind.
Where are you Richard Pryor when we need you most?

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

1 posted 2000-02-24 12:53 PM

d:

I found this to be very sad considering that Richard Pryor has Parkinson's Disease (doesn't he?). I thought this was an excellent and well worded tribute to him, btw. Thanks for the read.

Jim

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2000-02-24 03:10 PM

Well, I miss Richard too. Seems like there aren't many like him and George Carlin.

BTW, I believe he has MS.

Pete

What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
for the mere enunciation of my theme?
Edgar Allan Poe

Kirk T Walker
Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 357
Liberty, MO

3 posted 2000-02-24 05:11 PM

I like the poem overall, but here are some suggestions: I would either capitalize the first line or not, and not just the first letter of each sentence. It will make it seem less like prose, I think. You use intellect twice. Painted smiles is sort of cliche, you might rephrase. I would drop humorous out of the third to last line. You have done a good job using lots of humor-related words, you might try tickling in the second to last line:

only locked lips wishing humorous hilarity would rake me,
tickling up dust clouds in the sediment of my mind.

Just suggestions.

Littlewings
Member

since 1999-09-19

Posts 62

4 posted 2000-02-26 01:45 AM

how true

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