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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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new poem.... |
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Joshua Garrett Junior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 21 |
"I will always be there" by Joshua Garrett When your are sad, I will always be there. When you are happy, I will always be there. When you are not around, I will always be there. When you are crying, I will always be there. When you are dieing, I will always be there. For my love holds me to your, So be there for me, And I will always be there. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Joshua Garrett - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
First I am not a fan of repetition, especially when it contains the word love over and over. But that's me. You build the poem with you stating over and over that you will be there for this person. It sounds like you will be there unconditionally and I almost beleive you. But then in the last stanza you give it all way. 1st line is confusing but the second line oh the gem. YOu have stated through out the whole poem that you would be there but then you say. "if you are there for me then I will be there for you" . THis takes away from the whole unconditional love feel of the poem. Just my opinion Thanks for posting For my love holds me to your, So be there for me, And I will always be there. [This message has been edited by Tony Di Bart (edited 02-23-2000).] |
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dbarbera New Member
since 2000-02-22
Posts 8Dallas, TX USA |
Joshua--This would have made a nice piece for the inside of an American Greeting Card--you could have probably stopped after four lines, but that's just a thought--It was definitely clear that you will be there--and if you love is unconditional, then you shouldn't care if they will be there for you--you'll always be there and that is enough. |
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Joshua Garrett Junior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 21 |
thanx for the comments....and yeah...I noticed the ending. I ment it to say: "For my love holds me to you, For I will always be there for you, Even if your not there." sorry about that, it was written at like 4:30am a few days ago. |
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