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dbarbera
New Member

since 2000-02-22

Posts 8
Dallas, TX USA

0 posted 2000-02-22 08:12 AM

Rhymed verse after exploring and questioning--DB

CAN WE EVER SEE?
By Don Barbera, 1999

To accept words blindly
is to negate our seeing eyes.
pious chameleons hide in righteous clothes
and deceive us with their dogma lies.

We are not to question
but that doesn’t make it so.
When we keep our eyes closed
there seems no place to go.

Questioning and asking why
can make a life turn rough,
but when there are no more questions
means we haven’t searched enough.

Societies costumes
are designed to persuade,
but living under another’s’ arms
is still living in the shade.

Open your mind to possibilities
and make sure you feed it well.
Wonder if there is a heaven
and know there is no hell.

Lil OnE
Member

since 1999-12-14

Posts 234
Pasco County. Fl.

1 posted 2000-02-22 02:15 PM

I really liked this!!! I really liked the part about the chameleons hiding in righteous clothes. In a way, I can identify!! (unfortunately) But I really liked this piece. Welcome to the forums... I look forward to seeing more of your stuff!!!

You don't know me, but you don't like me.
You say you could care less how I feel.
But how many of you who sit and judge me
have ever walked the streets in my shoes?-Korn
~Lil OnE~

Tony Di Bart
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 160
Toronto, Canada

2 posted 2000-02-22 10:15 PM

Amazing opening stanza.  The first 2 lines
set the stage beautifully for the rest of the poem.

Second stanza I think is weaker. Infact I think is is the weakest in your poem.

I love this line just for what it says

"but when there are no more questions
means we haven’t searched enough."

I have noticed that in the first stanza your opening 2 lines are more powerful and the rest of the way down I find your closing to each stanza to be more powerful.  I think the imagery is also alot stronger.

Oh well just my opinion.  welcome to the forum

see ya

Death makes angels of us all
and gives us wings
where we had shoulders
smooth as raven claws

Jim Morrison

Joshua Garrett
Junior Member

since 2000-02-17

Posts 21

3 posted 2000-02-23 10:58 PM

I haven't been in poetry that long. Only the last few months have i noticed how good poetry can relate to my life. To get to the point, I liked the way you opened and closed this poem. I like the words you used, instead of plain words. That is just a few reasons I really like this one.

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