»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
The Sleeping Lion
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
The Sleeping Lion |
|
|
Vincent Spaulding Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59 |
The Sleeping Lion A dog once envied the majesty of a sleeping lion. But the lion envied no one. "'Tis better to envy than to cease from envy!" cried a bird as he flew over head. "Nay," said the dog, "for if I should cease to envy, 'twould mean that I were content and equal in majesty to this sleeping lion." But the lion envied no one, as he lay there dead and rotting. "'Tis better to envy than to cease from envy," cried the vulture again as he swooped down to pick at the carcass. "But best not to envy at all." |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Vincent Spaulding - All Rights Reserved | |||
kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i liked this poem...it's rather unique...in fact this is the 1st time i have seen someone trying to put across his message in the form of a fable...Interesting!!!  loved these lines "i were content and equal to majesty to this sleeping lion" this really makes for a good moral story...i can imagine parents reading this to their children at night and inculcating the values of contentment in the process.....little kids then nod off to sleep, smiling as they dream about the sleeping lion and what he represents..... but i don't understand.why is it better to envy than to cease from envy??shouldn't ceasing from envy be better cos the person won't suffer any inner turmoil any more???can u kindly explain this to a greenhorn like me??") |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Vincent: Nice little folk tale you have here. Complete with moral spoken wisely by the astute vulture. I really don't have much trouble with the format or the wording with one exception: "'twould mean that I were content". Shouldn't "were" be "was" or "would be"? I think I'm right here but, then again, I don't have my Strunk & White handy. Well, well, well. We have an excellent poem with talking animals and Kris's (warmhrt's) insightful look into the male love of cars.  If I don't find something to critique negatively soon my whole day is going to be spoiled. Oh, well. Good job on this, Vincent. Well thought and well written.Jim |
||
|
Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
I enjoyed your poem completly. I really like the use of the animals and the converstion. I like the little twist with the dead and rotting lion. When I read the poem it's very familiar. That to me means one of two things either you copied it, but i think not. Or it's just a great poem. I think the latter Thanks Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven claws Jim Morrison |
||
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Vincent, You have quite a unique poem/fable here. I liked it very much. I think you could easily fix the line, "t'would mean that I were content" by replacing the plural "were" to the singular "was". I feel also that you have multiple morals in this little tale: 1. If one did not look to what others have, they may not find the motivation to better themselves. 2. It's best if you can strive for your own goals, without wanting what others have. 3. If you reach your goals, and you're at the top, you can not just rest on your laurels. Life is a constant motion forward. When you stop, it is over. Am I right, or am I just reading a lot more into it than there is? Either way, I enjoyed it, Vincent. Good job. Kristine All that we see or seem - Is but a dream within a dream ~ Edgar Allan Poe |
||
|
Vincent Spaulding Member
since 2000-01-16
Posts 59 |
I want to thank you all for your kind comments. "The Sleeping Lion" is my first (and only) published poem. I'm a little insecure in saying that, since I know that there are publishers who'll print anything--just so long as you buy the book. The book only cost $6 shipping and handling. The second copy was $14. So two copies cost me only $20, including shipping and handling. So I dared to dream that they don't simply publish anything. However, when I got the book, I rushed over to my mother's to show it to her. (The second copy was meant for her.) I turned to the poem, and as she was reading it, she began to laugh and said, "This is horrible. This is really stupid." When she saw my name at the end, she said, "That isn't really you, is it?" I told her it was, and she said, "I'll have to read it again." But it was too late. I already had an honest evaluation. The next day I went to work and tore down all the poems I had hanging on my office wall and vowed that I'd "never make myself a target again" by sharing my poems with others. I'm a great pouter. Then I decided to post my poem in the Critical Analysis forum, (I usually post in a different forum), because I know that you guys don't simply heap praise on lousy poems, as the other forums often do. To answer your questions: If the poem seems familiar, it's based (loosely) on a proverb: "For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope: for a living dog is better than a dead lion" Ecclesiastes 9:4. My poem has two levels of meaning. First, that when we envy others, we don't really know their true circumstances. The subtler level is darker. "It's better to envy than to cease from envy," means that we only will be entirely free from envy when we die. And though I'm a melancholy bloke, I still prefer life to death. As for the word "were," I might be wrong, but isn't there a usage in which the word "were" states an impossibility. Examples: "If I was at the party…" (in this phrase I may have been--but wasn't necessarily--at the party). "If I were a girl…" (the word "were" emphasizes the obvious fact that I am not a girl). [This message has been edited by Vincent Spaulding (edited 02-24-2000).] |
||
|
dbarbera New Member
since 2000-02-22
Posts 8Dallas, TX USA |
Bravo! A morality verse--thoroughly enjoyed the sharp verse and early form "t'would" and others. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
