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Ted Reynolds
Member

since 1999-12-15

Posts 331

0 posted 2000-02-18 11:29 AM

When it's summer,
It's real hot.
A while it's fun,
And then it's not.

When it's winter,
It turns cold.
No fun at all,
Or so I'm told.

So it's no
Suprise at all,
Most folks like best
Spring and fall.

Passion burns
And absence freezes.
I'll just be glad
For moderate breezes.

Patience is
A useful thing.
Let's both keep warm
And wait for spring.

Poertree
Senior Member

since 1999-11-05

Posts 1359
UK

1 posted 2000-02-18 02:05 PM

Ted..... now surely even Trev can't object if I just say this was great fun and actually also in my case absolutely accurate ... oh except for the fact that I'm not patient .. lol .. mind you who would be in a British winter (yuck)

Philip

small typo on "Surprise"

[This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 02-18-2000).]

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

2 posted 2000-02-18 07:48 PM

Ted,

I don't care if Trev objects...I'm just going to say that I thought this was an amusing diversion from some of the more complicated poems we write. I disagree though, that either summer, or passion, burns.

Very nice, very creative piece, Ted,

Kristine

there's a hell of a good universe next door;lets go ~ e. e. cummings

Tony Di Bart
Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 160
Toronto, Canada

3 posted 2000-02-19 12:45 PM

Well, I have to agree with the others a fun poem not too much thinking, plain, simple beautiful.

One itsy bitsy thing. The first time I read it the timing of every stanza is great but the second last stanza kinda, sorta trip me up...on the second pass it was smoother though.

See YA

Death makes angels of us all
and gives us wings
where we had shoulders
smooth as raven claws

Jim Morrison

Poertree
Senior Member

since 1999-11-05

Posts 1359
UK

4 posted 2000-02-19 05:43 PM

Sorry Ted just gotta respond to Kris..

Kris .. summer sure burns if you're in my skin, and passion burns if you have my naivete ..

P

Trevor
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 700
Canada

5 posted 2000-02-20 11:40 AM

Now how in the hell did my name get dragged into this? Do I object on the way you guys commented on Ted's poem, of course not because you don't object if that's all someone writes on your poems.
Am I going to give this poem a critique....hell no, cause Ted doesn't really want to bother with critiquing other people's work....though I will say the meter is off on the third line of the third last stanza....either that or the words "Most folks like best" don't compliment each other well.

[This message has been edited by Trevor (edited 02-20-2000).]

captaincargo
Member

since 1999-11-25

Posts 109
Corning, N.Y. U.S.A.

6 posted 2000-02-22 10:45 PM

This was really nice. I especially liked the fourth verse. I was so good, and sooooo true!! Trevor's right "most folks like best" drags a bit. But I have no suggestions on how to make it better. Sorry.

A neat little ditty, you really made a good one here. I really liked it.

Cap.

Cap. Carg.

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