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Mother Dresie (especially for Haze,mojo yes)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Mother Dresie (especially for Haze,mojo yes) |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
The dim lights, The near snuffed, Battling blazes, Of well known tealites, Colored the dark room; Bathed the deep, Inpenatrable darkness, In an astral glow, A sweet mixture of, Hell's fire and angel's hair. The raucous aromas, The sintilating scents, Piercing blends of, Sweat, blood, and death; All cooking over inextinguishable fires, Kindled by, Lust, greed, and vengeance; These flavors hung thick, In the air, Made the small place, Slick with Voodoo. The thin woman, The worn, listless old witch, Sat crossed legged, Watching crow's bones, Rattling in the empty, Weathered skull, Of an ancient African doctor. She loved the odor... Lived on the glow... Spirit danced to the rattle. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jason L. Humphres - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Excellent poem Jason, "The dim lights, The near snuffed, Battling blazes, Of well known tealites, Colored the dark room; Bathed the deep, Inpenatrable darkness, In an astral glow, A sweet mixture of, Hell's fire and angel's hair." Great first two stanzas, excellent imagry the whole way through except I found "inpenatrable darkness" to be off a bit. It doesn't help to say that it is a solid darkness then describe an astral glow. "The raucous aromas, The sintilating scents, Piercing blends of, Sweat, blood, and death;" Really liked "sintilating" but found "Sweat, blood and death" a little flat in comparison to the rest of the descrips you've given so far in this poem. "All cooking over inextinguishable fires, Kindled by, Lust, greed, and vengeance;" Same goes for "Lust, greed and vengeance", they just didn't seem original enough for the poem. "These flavors hung thick, In the air, Made the small place, Slick with Voodoo." Loved "slick with Voodo". "The thin woman, The worn, listless old witch, Sat crossed legged, Watching crow's bones, Rattling in the empty, Weathered skull, Of an ancient African doctor." Consider making "Rattling in the empty,/Weathered skull," one line. Good descrips in this stanza. "She loved the odor... Lived on the glow... Spirit danced to the rattle." Consider switching the first two words of the last line, "Danced spirits to the rattle.", just a thought. All in all I really enjoyed this poem and most of the descriptions within it. Thanks for the read and take care, Trevor |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Trevor, Thanks for your critique. There are a few things I would like to say in response. "Inpenatrable" in the line just before this I used "bathed" ie. wrapped, enveloped, enclosed...not penetrated. Also the darkness is somewhat symbolic. You've never been in a "dark" room that was well lit? I agree with lust,greed, vengence...etc. Any suggestions, keep in mind it is a poem about the manipulation of desire in every human life...ie. "Mother Dresie" "Mother Desire". Thanks for your comments. J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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