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Critical Analysis #1

Please Love me Back!

Chico
Member

since 2000-02-10

Posts 67

0 posted 2000-02-10 09:15 PM

PLEASE LOVE ME BACK


Did you ever love someone;
  that never loved you back?
Ever had your best friend;
  stab you in the back?
Ever feel used and then discarded?
  And knew the person;
didn't care you were broken hearted.
  Ever had tears well up in you eyes;
when remembering her, "I love you" ?
  An how you found out it was all lies;
when she kissed your friend;
  right in front of you?
Did you ever love somone that didn't love you?
  Did you ever feel like crying when the lied?
telling you they were being true.
  Ever remember trying to ask her;
"what happend to those moments we shared";
  and when resting on my shoulder;
you told me you cared.
  And when lying in that open field;
underneath a dark blue sky;
  you told me you heart was seald;
And if you ever lost me you would cry.
  I thought that moment forever I'd cherish;
until the day I die.
  Just to have it all perish;
in the twinkling of an eye.
  And then that time you kissed him;
I thought my heart would break;
  for that was my kiss;
and not his to take.
  And when you told  him our little joke;
that no one else knew about.
  I felt like a complete fool;
at how you'd played me out.
  But then when you called him charming;
I could hardly believe my ears;
  cause that is what you had called me;
throughout all our years.

And so I watched you thrown;
  into the arms of that other guy.
Leaving me all alone;
  forever to wonder why.
Did you ever love someone that didn't love you?
  Did you ever feel like crying when they lied;
telling oyu they were being true.
  And when you cried;
did you feel like crawling under a rock?
  not caring if you died.
have you ever felt there's nothing else you can do;
  to keep this person by your side.
Did you ever wonder why she did'nt love you;
  and never told you, "I Care".
did you ever ask yourself, "what did I do wrong"?
  and why am I so lonely, when she isn't there?
I always made sure;
  she had everything in life
I always made sure;
  I bore all the sacrifice.
I always let her do what she wanted to,
  and trading my hopes and dreams;
trying to make hers come true.
  I tried my hardest to pay every cost.
But I finally came to realize;
  There was nothing I could do, for she was lost.

And now looking at my life, seeing how its been.
  Always hearing broken promises.
Not knowing where to begin.
  I have cried and hurt;
and felt my heart skip a beat;
  And not knowing if my fragile heart;
could take all the heat.
  I had waited and waited;
for you to come along.
  so you could come and fill;
my heart with a song
  And when you finally came;
I thought my life was complete;
  as you filled my heart with joy.
only to realize, I couldn't compete;
  With your other little play toy.

So now I stand here, so empty and lost;
  wanting no one to enter my heart.
Fearing that as the other girl;
  They will strike me with a dart.
So if I seem to you mean and cruel;
  I beg you you to realize;
that I am in a duel.
  Not knowing if I'm right or wrong
or if i'm stupid or smart.
I'm just fighting my best;
just trying to protect my heart.

Drucilla
Junior Member

since 2000-02-07

Posts 14

1 posted 2000-02-10 09:39 PM

Chico,

Well send out the "Pitty Patrol"!

Man you must have really been scorned. I liked your poem from the stand point that I think that everyone can identify with it. I also think that it was overly redundant. I think that you could add more depth to it. Right now it is well...flat. It can be summed up to this, I loved her, I thought she loved me, she now loves my best friend, they (and now all women, guilty or innocent) suck, oh whoa is me. Am I right? Maybe if you shifted your focus from, feel sorry for me, to, can you believe what my so called girl friend and my so called best friend did. I don't know, this is just my opinion. With it being so long, the reader loses interest.
Well, if it helps, I wish ill things upon your adultress ex and your worthless friend.

. I would definately like to see any revisions that you make to this piece.

Drucilla

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