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Tea Time!
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Tea Time! |
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captaincargo Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 109Corning, N.Y. U.S.A. |
Do you drink coffee? Not me, not me! Some consume it in shades of brown or sweet while others say just black with heat. Could coffee be the cause of strife? How was my piece? Get out the knife! No! tis fine, let it be it's gay, while others claim there's more to say! So if one thinks about their drinks, And others only a smiles and winks. Still would I say with elvish glee I'm sick of coffee, give me some tea! Cap. Cap. Carg. |
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| © Copyright 2000 captaincargo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Hyperion New Member
since 1999-11-26
Posts 7Corning, N.Y. |
With all the ink on the coffee poem, I'm surprised this didn't get a few nibbles.  |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
LOL. Well done and well said Cap. "Do you drink coffee? Not me, not me! Some consume it in shades of brown or sweet" You may want to consider tightening up the lines a bit to give it a more rollicking sound: "Do you drink coffee? No, not me! Some consume it light or sweet" Then you write: "while others say just black with heat." This is good. I mean the poetry. I like cream in my coffee. "Could coffee be the cause of strife? How was my piece? Get out the knife!" *Snickt*  "No! tis fine, let it be it's gay," This is a stumbling line with the phrase "let it be". Perhaps: "No! tis fine, it's great, it's gay," Then you write: "while others claim there's more to say!" This line is fine. "So if one thinks about their drinks, And others only a smiles and winks." Grammatically you should not pair "one/their". I would rephrase it: "So if one thinks about one's drink And others only smile and wink" "Still would I say with elvish glee I'm sick of coffee, give me some tea!" Get rid of "some" and your final line will flow perfectly. Thanks for the laugh, Cap. Now clean this thing up! Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
hi there, firstly i will like to TQ for reading my poem "betrayal"...here i am to return the flavour...") your 1st stanza started off fine....you were describling the various ways of drinking coffee(and enjoying it) the 2nd stanza was rather confusing for me...were you trying to say that coffee-makers who pride themselves on the coffee they make might get emotional when others don't like their coffee??? regret to say i don't really understand the lines"No!tis fine,let it be it's gay,while others claim there's more to say!"were you trying to say,let coffee-drinking remind a source of pleasure though people think there is more to drinking coffee than it actually is??? i do agree with jouder "so if one think about one's drink and others only smile and wink" sounds much better. loved the phrase"elvish glee"---sounds so mischievous and funky!!! again i regret to say i dun get the last line.were u trying to say drinking tea comes preferable cos it doesn't cause strife! all in all, i liked it but i wished i could understand it better...would u like to tell me your intrepretations???i will be glad to know") i'm glad u liked "betrayal" but if u do have some spare time, pls look at it again.jenni has offered some very interesting insights and i will like to know other people's opinions...TQ |
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captaincargo Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 109Corning, N.Y. U.S.A. |
Kaile, this was just a spur of the moment barb aimed at a little discussion going on. If you need to be enlightened, check out the poem by Patch entitled, Coffee, and read the more than adequate commentary. Sometimes I just feel like being a stinker. Cap. Carg. |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
well, i think i'll join you in getting away from the coffee. pour me a cup of tea! about your poem: it's a nice little snappy thing, but in some places you forsake coherency for the rhyme like Could coffee be the cause of strife? How was my piece? Get out the knife! So if one thinks about their drinks, And others only a smiles and winks and others only a smiles and winks? i don't really understand that. a smile some smiles, i thought. anyways, i think it's pretty much exusable because of the levity of the poem. glad to see this one, made me laugh. |
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