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Left Unsaid
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Left Unsaid |
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Redzippie Junior Member
since 1999-10-19
Posts 16Michigan |
Your love was the magic in my life. So mystical and exciting, all at once. You knocked the walls down around my heart, you showed me what true love was. Everything about you was so tender and honest. You were so amazing, so real. The thought of you would flood me with happiness, and bring me to my knees in thanksgiving. You truly were an angel sent from above. I never could find the words to let you know how incredibly special you were to me. And now that I've lost you, I wonder if those words could have made the difference between then, and now. Please know that I loved you all along. I just could never say it. And I love you still... < !signature--> ~Christina [This message has been edited by Redzippie (edited 02-10-2000).] |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
I like this, sometimes what is unsaid is the most important of all....great job...the only suggestion I would have for this is possibly the format....I am not used to seeing very long lines such as these and just wonder what a few more line breaks would do to the formatting.... ok, I took it to the word processor and made the line breaks to see what it would look like...as is, it flows well I think, but with line breaks a few words showed up that could be left out and just a bit of puncutation changed...so try this... Your love was the magic in my life mystical and exciting, all at once. You knocked the walls down around my heart, you showed me what true love is. Everything about you was tender and honest, you were so amazing, so real. The thought of you would flood me with happiness, and bring me to my knees (in thanksgiving.) maybe could leave this off You truly were an angel sent from above. I never could find the words to let you know how incredibly special you were to me. And now that I've lost you, I wonder if those words could have made the difference between then, and now. Please know that I loved you all along. I just could never say it. and I love you still... hope I didn't offend with the changes, it is just my eye, that sees it this way, your formatting works if you leave as is  [This message has been edited by Corazon (edited 02-10-2000).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Redzippie, or Christina, I don't believe we've met so I'd like to take this opportunity to offer you my "Welcome to Passions" and the CA. I liked your poem. It is lyrical without being overly so and it flows nicely. It tells a story most of us have likely experienced at some time and therefore can relate to. It tells of real loss and heart-felt regret without being sappy or overly sentimental. That can be very hard to do. Like Corazon, I think it would look better and flow better if broken into shorter lines. In fact, for the most part, I rather like the way she did it. I'm not so sure I would make the few wording changes she did but I do like her line breaks. Thanks and I hope to see more of your work in here soon. < !signature--> Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 02-10-2000).] |
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Redzippie Junior Member
since 1999-10-19
Posts 16Michigan |
Thank you both for your ten cents worth!! I did make some changes, and I like the new (revised) version better. Take Care. ~Christina |
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