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Critical Analysis #1
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If's and If Onlys
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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If's and If Onlys |
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Joanna T. Lopez Junior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 33El Paso, Texas |
Come with me I will show you the If's and If Onlys. They are not hard to visualize nor hard to touch! Bear in mind though fantasies are reality, Therefore, reality is fantasy! Before I can show you the what if's and if only's there is one thing you must be sure of. Does your individual live in a world of Fantasy or Reality? [This message has been edited by Joanna T. Lopez (edited 02-10-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Joanna T. Lopez - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cheryl cook Junior Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 12 |
Joanna, I enjoyed the calm, sweetness to the poem, and was left with a feeling of the "if they jump you will catch them" atmosphere. In the second stanza the second line is too lengthy for my liking. Try something like "nor hard to touch" and leave out the unnecessary words. I am not a fan of the word YOU being in all capitals, i feel it distracts from the poem. You poem does contain a bit of vague characteristics...you may have desired this effect, but as a reader i do not feel strongly impacted or like i have reached a climax. |
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Joanna T. Lopez Junior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 33El Paso, Texas |
cheryl, As you can see I made the changes you have suggested, 2nd line 2nd stanza. "nor are they hard to touch" did seem a bit bumpy. As for the YOU in the 3rd line 3rd stanza, the all caps were a last second typo change prior to submitting, honestly it did'nt feel right when I was doing it, but I thought well try it, what the h...! maybe it will read well, maybe not...NOT. I 100% agree. Also I made the change 2nd line 3rd stanza from Only's to only's, it was an honest typo on my part. Climaxing tis not, but vague indeed, yea you hit it right on the tail. Thanks Cheryl! It's amazing how changing or deleteing just one word or letter for that matter, can make a piece read totally different(it's like magic) and I love magic. Hasta Luego Cheryl! [This message has been edited by Joanna T. Lopez (edited 02-11-2000).] |
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