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Critical Analysis #1
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Let Me Go
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Let Me Go |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
Just recently, my boyfriend told me that he didn't want to be with me any longer, and he told me to let him go, so I wrote a poem about the conversation we had that night when he gave me up. Lover, oh lover, Let me go! I want my soul to be free But I thought, my lover, my dear, That you gave Your soul to me Lover, oh lover, Let me go! You must give me back my heart But I thought, my lover my dear That you said We'd never part Lover, oh lover Let me go! Stop promising me the world But I thought, my lover, my dear That I would always be your only girl Lover, oh lover Let me go! There is no more "forever" But I thought, my lover my dear, That we'd always Be together Lover, oh lover, Let me go! There is no more me & you But that's what I though, my lover, my dear That's what you told Me too But if you must go, lover, oh lover, Then there's nothing I can do But please remember, my lover my dear, That there's still a place in my heart for you If you really must go, lover, oh lover Then there's nothing I can do So I'll let you go, my lover, my dear As I hold on to the memories of you. I know it isn't very good since I didn't edit it or anything, but anyways, this is what I feel. Tell my what you think. [This message has been edited by Fairy Colours (edited 02-06-2000).] |
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captaincargo Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 109Corning, N.Y. U.S.A. |
Fairy C, It is sad and lamenting, without being excessively melancholy. Parts that didn't seem (to me) to flow were; "But I thought, my lover, my dear That I would alway be your only girl." Maybe it's the word "only" in there that slows it down. And the last line seems cumbersome. Maybe if you lost the word "on" or "the"(or both)  I hope you don't mind my saying so. I like it, and at the same time I hate it, because it means you are hurting. Keep your head up. Cap. No one is so accursed by fate, No one so utterly desolate, But some heart, though unknown, Responds unto his own. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "Endymion" Cap. Carg. |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
First, for heaven's sake, switch your color scheme. The pink is almost unreadable. Next, I think your ballad rises to its best point, and is therefore finished, at the irony of "that's what you told me too." It's perfect for me at that point, painfully tender. The final two quatrains add little -- only the sad search for meaning and comfort in a parting which just doesn't have any of either any more. |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
Captaincargo: I don't mind your input at all, because your suggestions can only make my poetry better. I will be strong because I know that there is someone out there for me. Thanx for telling to keep my head up. I will.  Ted: I changed the color scheme. I did it in the pink and blue b/c pink was for the girl and blue was for the boy. Sorry it hurt your eyes. I thank you for your comments too. I'm glad you liked it, and in a way I'm glad that you felt the pain in the poem, b/c that's what I was feeling. I'm gonna spend some time and work on this one, and perhaps I can e-mail you the final copy.--A Little Fairy-- |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
I'd like that, Fairy Colours. [email protected] |
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Drucilla Junior Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 14 |
First I'd like to say that I am sorry for your loss. Having come from a recent split I can easily identify. Second, I'd like to say that I really enjoyed your work. "Let Me Go" is beautifly written. I felt as though I was living that night and seeing it through your eyes. I look forward to reading more of your work! =) Drucilla |
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Fairy Colours Member
since 1999-12-02
Posts 169Sunrise,Fl,US |
Thank you very much, Drucilla. I really appreciate that, and I wish you the best in future relationships. I look foward to looking around and seeing your work too. --A Little Fairy-- |
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