dopeE cokeE road sweeper - pipTalk Forums

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Open Poetry #50

dopeE cokeE road sweeper

ptime
Member
Posts 64

0 posted 2018-11-10 01:32 AM

dopeE cokeE road sweeper 10.11.18

always in the curb
got to be first point
huffing and puffing on the herb
sweeping the camden joint.
then a spring
caught me like the drain
last night blowing a circle ring
me and a kilo of mary jane.
now dismissal
going to be on rock and roll
future looking dismal
ganja man taking its toll.
just us sweepers of the road
surely not to be effective
if nationwide then unemployment would explode
this very morning chasing the dragon with a chief executive.
going to pour a drink
don't care about the price
got work after a 2 hour bed sink
all fine as waking up to spice.

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

1 posted 2018-11-10 04:49 AM

I read your piece several times and it really made my head spin. You touched a couple of nerves. First, you made me feel old as your style and verbage is "new fangled" or would you call that "fresh"? Your references to herbage and other self indulgences, took me back to my own wild times then snapped me right into "yo mama" mode. And I walked away feeling like I do when I listen to my son's play Heavy Metal- I have no clue if they sound "good" or not because Metal sounds to me like organized angry noise (and it is mad at me).
So if your intention with this piece was to get someone's attention, you succeeded. If you set out to amuse and entertain, you did that as well. Push buttons? Bingo! So, this piece is good on all those counts. But did I like it? I'm clueless. Write on. ~L

ptime
Member
Posts 64

2 posted 2018-11-11 05:16 AM

hi. thanks for reading and wanting to no more. this was my inspiration. http://camdennewjournal.com/article/street-sweepers-face-sack-after-surprise-drugs-tests-detect-cannabis

hope it makes you smile and you now enjoy. thanks again for reading.

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