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Open Poetry #50
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A Gloomy Smile Attacked My Heart
| Open Poetry #50 |
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A Gloomy Smile Attacked My Heart |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana 
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a gloomy smile attacked my heart this morning I sighed wondering why it took so long to come around I'd been much too happy trying to make things . . . . . . not right could never make things right but trying my best to give of myself whatever was needed to make the sadness I've caused understandable I wonder if it will ever make any difference will any of it matter because of long ago decisions made on the spur of the moment overriding my conscience my heart hammering inside my throat I wonder if any of it will help . . . anything . . . my thoughts are as black as the River Styx today wondering why my optimism has been swallowed up in despair I wish I still drank hard liquor I do believe I could do a fifth of sour mash justice today sour mash the lubricant of fools . . . still . . . sometimes . . . nothing else will do the trick days like now I wonder if maybe there are some who shouldn't have lived so long no not suicidal here just one of those days . . . February 21, 2018 / Jerry Pat Bolton ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Jerry, Cut yourself some slack. We all hurt the ones we love. It is the nature of our beast. You are far from the worst to walk the planet. On a scale of 1-10 you may not even be a 5. You were young and dumb and scared. Besides you don't know that it would have been all unicorns and rainbows if you would have stayed. I think any sadness that you have caused has moved on, and so should you. ~L |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Maybe I should move along, Lori, but like so many of my poems, it is part of my life. I suppose if I can't, or won't move on, at least I can quit posting them here. Sorry you take umbrage at them. But appreciate your honest comments. ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Umbrage? I don't think that is the case. I think I hate to see you hurting, especially when the pain is self inflicted and seems overly harsh. When I am down on myself you are quick to point out the errors of my thinking as any good friend would. I will not deny you this forum to express your emotions, by all means be my guest. But as your friend I reserve the right to tell you when I think you are being too hard on yourself. You can only kick yourself in the butt so many times. I say this from experience...because I still hold on to stuff too. I know it doesn't change the past or improve the future and makes my present miserable...but I still hang on to the guilt. It is a work in progress. ~L |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
uh-hmmm. knowing who I am and what I am, what I’ve done or haven’t done, in the many years of my life – the many memories and perceptions, right or wrong, painful or not for me and / or others – I don’t carry “guilt”, per se, but, “regret”, absolutely. Especially for those I’ve hurt. And when the memories come to me, many as déjà vu events, I find I can still be brought to tears. that changes nothing in the scheme of things, except we, as older folk now, see it better as the past, rather than the present and probably think more about the actions, physically, mentally and especially, verbally, we have taken, and presently, consider taking. We’re more cognizant of those around us, their feelings, their lives. Although we can’t “fix” our past, we can certainly smooth a lot of it out by making sure, with what breath we have left, we try to alleviate such transgressions in the future. Or, that’s the way I look at it. j. |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
. . . and I say you lookk at it in a very positive and superfine way, Jimmy. Hah! They say don't dwell on the past, and I quite understand that, but when you get a certain age the past is front and center in your thought process. Thanks buddy, appreciiate your thoughts ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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