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Bluesy Socrateaser
Member Elite

since 2002-11-07

Posts 2417
In The Mirror

0 posted 2014-01-16 08:05 PM

Glow worms oxidizing cotton like iron,
illuminating deep caverns in time.
Smooth shiny legs tick-tock past the gazes
as the patent finish clears the room.

A woman clings to her Whitman Sampler
while rolling a two-bit piece over her fingers.
Her face rises to the occasional scent of ale
passing through the fabric of the place.
She turns with a fluid motion,
her limpid pools full of swimming sensations
that never made it to shore.

Reaching out for a single grain of sand,
her touch sends a ripple across the waters
that lay between her coastline
and a message locked within a bottle
that holds the dreams of lovers.

In the darkness of her sleep
she reaches for the bottle,
teasing it further away
as it glances from her fingertips.

The two-bit lost it's balance,
and the Whitmans' were sampled out.

I wonder if she'll ever see home again.
I'll wait at the shore.
Maybe a bottle will come my way.

...just bein' Bluesy

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

1 posted 2014-01-17 07:16 AM

Bluesy, this is stunning on so many different levels.  I don’t pretend to understand it all, nor to have worked out a complete possible interpretation for it all, but one can love a piece of music without understanding it intellectually, and firstly that is how I love this piece – but I do see glimpses that lead me to an incomplete interpretation of my own.

I love how the cold hard reality flows into the ethereal stream of consciousness thought of the poet – that could even be the protagonist’s own subliminal thought though I don’t think so – and how it all flows back again, like the tide which could bring a bottle full of messages.

I thought the first five stanzas blew me away – but when I got to the sixth stanza, then I truly discovered what it was really like to be blown away.

Please don’t explain it.  This poem begs pondering and an explanation will spoil it for those who enjoy the pondering.

Owl

Bluesy Socrateaser
Member Elite

since 2002-11-07

Posts 2417
In The Mirror

2 posted 2014-01-17 06:16 PM

Thank you for gracing my poetry with your attendance and your wisdom.

It was a most incredible response.

Warmest Regards from Bluesy

...just bein' Bluesy

WindWalker12
Member

since 2009-10-17

Posts 57

3 posted 2015-05-25 04:44 PM

I must agree "this is stunning on so many different levels"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

4 posted 2015-05-25 07:26 PM

You have surpassed the senses in this gentle tale..I can almost taste the chocolate and feel sands stretching against miles of water!

Amazing work and SO much more than the intended message in a bottle
Kudos your way, poet
~d

"..But a tyrant spell has bound me,
And I cannot, cannot go.."
~Emily Bronte
'The Night is Darkening Around Me'
[This message has been edited by devina (05-26-2015 08:24 AM).]

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

5 posted 2015-05-26 06:33 AM

The wise and wonderful Owl said it best for me as well. Anything I would add would sound clumsy by comparison. I love this piece on many levels (like a parfait)too! ~L

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