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Open Poetry #49
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Sea Mist
| Open Poetry #49 |
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Sea Mist |
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Cari Member Posts 411 Englnand |
A drift of sea mist Striving for substance Hesitant, inquiring Searching for Brother fogs enfolding blanket ~ Colour shadows Lobster boats beached On shingle beds Oblique on drunken keels Salt flaked paint scabs peeling ~ The lone gull spirals On lazy wings Above the gentle tide Idly playing With empty Cola cans |
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| © Copyright 2016 Cari - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Oh yes! This is a groovy, laid-back poem . . . the "mist," the "Salt flaked paint," and not the last one the "gentle tide." Put me in a gentle mood for sure. ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
You painted a very vivid scenery. It's a pity though that the seagull finds those empty cola cans. That is the extraneous object which disturbs the natural softness of sea mist. Excellent. Margherita |
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Cari Member Posts 411 Englnand |
Margherita, Thanks for your kind comment but a little correction if I may. Its not the seagull playing with the cans, it’s the tide. The tide laps in and the cans roll back; the tide recedes and the cans roll forward. Hopefully it gives the illusion that the tide is playing with them. Thanks for reading. Cari. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Thank you for telling me what you intended, Cari, I see it, it is clear. But I can imagine the seagull being intrigued too by the objects. It just makes me sad that there are people who abandon cola cans on the beach. There are places where the sea gathers unbelievable quantities of objects that should never be thrown into it, as they ruin the habitat for the fish and threaten their life (plastic bags i.e.). Hopefully awareness grows, along with more accurate control. This observation does in no way alter the beauty of your poem. Margherita |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Unfortunately the tide plays games with cans, and plastic on every shore on earth. Imagery is very good in this poem. Thanks, Cari "Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance." |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
nice...reminds me of sittin' on the dock of the bay...the song and the sittin'...james |
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