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Open Poetry #49
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The Ballard of El Sid.
| Open Poetry #49 |
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The Ballard of El Sid. |
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Cari Member Posts 411 Englnand |
The Ballard of El Sid. In the days of yore When the rich ruled the poor And a barrel of beer cost a quid When knights were bold There was one, so I’m told Who went by the name of El Sid ~ Now old Sid I fear Was deaf in one ear Bow-legged and badly short sighted Though he could do with a shave He was noble and brave That was clear on the day he was knighted ~ King Arthur’s daughter Turpytine A virgin still at thirty nine So desperate for a sexy swain She ditched the lonely waiting game Behind a pretty mask and wimple She hid her spots, and purple pimples ~ Just before the midnight hour Beneath a rosy scented bower Sid’s fate was sealed with a gooey kiss As they groped and hugged in feely bliss The night was dark, he couldn’t see He pledged his troth on bended knee ~ Next night at the ball in the baronial hall After the dance they started to call For a new young a minstrel called Elvis With ‘come to bed eyes’ and a gyrating pelvis The audience shouted, hurrahs, and hoorays Cos his the size of codpiece was worthy of praise ~ He plucked at his lute Played with his flute Waggled his hips and his knees This dude really rocked The maidens were shocked, And begged for their chastity belt keys ~ With her bosom heaving and threatening to bust Turpy drooled with passion and lust Then collapsed on the floor in a fit of the vapours Stunned at the sight of these erotic capers This drove poor Sid to the depths of despair To see his true love a’lying there ~ “You posturing knave with my sword I’ll engrave That fair maidens name on your rear” “You’ve got it all wrong I just sing the songs” Squealed Elvis, quite shaking with fear ~ Then up jumped the king In order to bring Some decorum to the proceedings “Tomorrow at dawn in the lists on the lawn You will joust for this daughter of mine With sword and lance fight for the chance For the hand of my darling Turpytine ~ Now Turpy was naive and exceedingly simple She discarded her mask and her covering wimple And waving to the congregation Settled down in expectation Sid blinked and gulped “I’m not wedding that, Its’ warty, pimply, worn out and fat” Elvis of course shared Sid’s opinion Marriage to Turpy cast his mind to oblivion ~ As a fight it was poor and lacking in style The blows and the thrusts all missed by a mile Sid threw down his helmet, his sword and his shield Cunningly gasping “I’m knackered, I yield “You scum, you rascal, you scoundrel, you knave” Said Arthur “Come, come, that’s no way to behave Here is the prize you have so nobly won The hand of my daughter, can I call you son? ~ Turpy lifted her skirts and ran to the alter Elvis was dragged there ensnared by a halter And so dear friends to the honeymoon suite The bride so excited you could hear her heart beat She stood there demure, scratching her belly Elvis in terror, his legs turned to jelly “Oh darling, my loved one I’ve waited so long But before you take me Sing us a song” Done in the style of a monologue, they used to be popular way back and were performed in the old Music Halls where the audience would join in with a Boom, Boom at the end of each verse. Just a fun piece, it sure won’t make any poetry Mag. |
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rainyday Member Posts 304 Heartland USA |
*Grins* Elvis has left the building. Fun read Cari. rainy |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
quote: Gotta love it . . . ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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DaysofView Member
since 2014-04-01
Posts 433Just A Slice Of The Pie |
This was a great story but a little long for me like those in the prose forum. Nice though. It was just a thought which made them run. It was just an act that killed them. |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Boom! Boom! to every stanza.....:-) Can anyone say Benny Hill? |
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