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jjote
Senior Member

since 2002-12-25

Posts 1088
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2015-09-08 12:39 PM

[Trying another sonnet, unrhymed, but 14 lines at 6 syllables each line]

I could not sleep last night,
tried to lie down as if
I were a placid lake,
unmindful of what goes
around it, below it.
Then gulls began to screech
interrupting my peace
of mind, I wished to choke
out the noise, bring me sleep
Now I'm still wide awake
even with eyes closed tight,
thoughts a broken record.

sleep's a gift to value
so you never lose it.

@jjote 0908/2015

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

1 posted 2015-09-08 02:22 AM

Sonnets are so difficult to write and I appreciate your mastery of such forms
Very well done
Liz

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

2 posted 2015-09-08 10:09 AM

I have to admit that sonnets, to me, are firstly rhymed, and secondly have ten syllables to each line, but I know I'm old hat. Since I don't keep up with things as much as I used to, I'm sure there are variations of the classic sonnet. I am NOT putting your poem down. It is good reading, exploring insomnia, and how the mind works as you fight for sleep.

~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2015-09-08 10:15 PM

I don't have trouble falling asleep, fortunately, I think the secret is clearing your mind; if I start praying I get sleepier,
I turn on a tape in the player by my bed and fall asleep before its over...james

jjote
Senior Member

since 2002-12-25

Posts 1088
Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2015-09-11 12:58 PM

You're right there Elizabeth, it is a difficult form, esp. if you want it rhymed, and haven't yet written one. Then I read one that was unrhymed, and who claimed this is a variation and the meter is all up to you. (to answer your comment Jerry), so hallelujah, that's license enough for me. And James, nowadays, I can easily fall asleep without resorting to mind acrobatics...the gift of getting old maybe...so thanks all for putting in your thoughts, so appreciate it.

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