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VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2014-10-23 12:58 PM

I'm thinking rather weak as a piece of poetry, but has truth in it...

To Win the Day

move as if it matters
act as if one cares

run, though in tatters
amid rancorous stares

set a goal, a mission
that proves a life that’s His

deeds that create fission
rather than a lowly fizz

broaden effective skills
to reach beyond one’s arms

strike against world’s ills
elating with one’s charms

start the day with joy
play a raucous jester

for smiles are great ploy
give tang as from a zester

to brighten up the morn
and gladden up the day

to turn about forlorn
illuminate their way

pinking up the moments
turning back the gray

shrinking nil the torments
improving well one’s stay
©Virginia Salter
October 23, 2014

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

1 posted 2014-10-23 02:06 PM

A swell countdown of what will get us through this old world in happy spirits and making other people happy. Nice work.

If they give you ruled paper write sideways.

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

2 posted 2014-10-23 03:40 PM

Jerry, you gave me a different point of view than my"weak" opinion. Thank you! after I posted it, I thought my preface was oxymoronic to what I was trying to do with the piece. You helped me get past that pall of a look.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

[This message has been edited by VAS (10-23-2014 04:54 PM).]

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

3 posted 2014-10-23 04:09 PM

My thoughts on it was honest. There are much to much of the other kind. I am guilty as anyone else, but not so much these days.

If they give you ruled paper write sideways.

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

4 posted 2014-10-23 05:23 PM

Mot weak at all Vas. Very good work and yes it does give an uplifting tilt to life if your words are followed. Jo perry

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

5 posted 2014-10-23 05:42 PM

Thanks, again, Jo. I'm happy an uplift occurred.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

mvvenkataraman
Member

since 2011-11-12

Posts 72
India

6 posted 2014-10-25 06:29 AM

The poem would be wonderful with four lines
As two lines don't reflect truly its beauty
But,the poem is carefully penned superbly
I greatly admire the way rhyming is done.

mvvenkataraman

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

7 posted 2014-10-25 11:02 AM

Oh, you mean 4 line stanzas rather than couplets? I'll give that a try, thanks!

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

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