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Open Poetry #48
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Double Tanka: Hope’s the Umbrella
| Open Poetry #48 |
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Double Tanka: Hope’s the Umbrella |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
Hope's the Umbrella On slated rooftop where hail like demons plummet pounding their way down, relaxed, I avoid their dread admiring my umbrella spinning playful thoughts as sun shines through the webbing and hailstones scamper, strewn, I'm downcast disappeared bathing in a rainbow's light. |
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| © Copyright 2013 Robert E. Michaud Jr. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Ahh, a double tanka, eh, Bob, sorta showing out are ya? Just kidding. I think I tried my hand with the tanka quite a few years ago, but if memory serves me I didn't exactly take to it. But this poem has impressed me so that I think I may look into to trying it again in the future. I liked the umbrella's central motivation in this poem. if I recall when I tried it a tanka was five lines and a double tanka would be ten. You have twelve lines, so I imagine the tanka, like the haiku have different interpretations to it. Anyway, I enjoyed your poem. ~*~ I tried to catch some fog. I mist. ~*~ |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
Hey, yeah, thanks, Jerry... Yeah, I suppose you're right about the formatting and I don't want to confuse you, I don't, but, um, yeah, it's true, I'm a bit of a poetry rebel at heart and, sooooooo, this one is probably not poetically (politically) correct. The correct formatting, which I don't always adhere to, should be 5-7-5-7-7 which is, um, 5 lines, and, so, with that in mind, my poem should look something like.... On slated rooftop where hail like demons plummet pounding their way down, relaxed, I avoid their dread admiring my umbrella spinning playful thoughts as sun shines through the webbing and hailstones scamper, strewn, I'm downcast disappeared bathing in a rainbow's light. ...but, um, yeah, the rebel in me says, heck with proper formatting and just do what looks and sounds the best to me and, um, that's what I would suggest for you to do as well, and, to tell you the truth, it's usually what works the best for the reader as well. Anyways, Jerry, yeah, try one! Try One! I double dog dare ya!  |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Double dog dare? Them there's fightin' woids, Bod. I will try one, but on a tanka, not a double tanka. ~*~ I tried to catch some fog. I mist. ~*~ |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Fine writing...James |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
Ah, James... Coming from you, that's a real compliment. Thanks so much. |
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