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Open Poetry #48
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February Midnights (For Elizabeth Santos)
| Open Poetry #48 |
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February Midnights (For Elizabeth Santos) |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
In response to Elizabeth Santos, and her wonderful poem, "Silent Peace" she said--"Anyone care to try it with one of your poems?" The stanza I used as the prompt, is the last stanza of Sara Teasdale's poem, "September Midnights" ...My favorite of hers...:-) Full text of her poem...click http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poem/2061  Sara Teasdale (1884-1933) *************************************************** "Over my soul murmur your mute benediction, While I gaze, O fields that rest after harvest, As those who part look long in the eyes they lean to, Lest they forget them." Midnight- latenight, half awake, my mind repeats Last autumns eulogy, by Sara-for summer-- The words she spoke at that sad wake Incessantly haunt me. A third of a year has come and gone, yet Tonight, in the time between restlessness And uncomfortable dreams, in the crack between I ponder my mandela. I see the wheel of life's roulette-the moon Is a ball that finds the notch of february, For just a moment--as if it were the winner; But crickets in the wood pile know, They still remember, songs of summers gone Though they don't look back for what has parted. Unlike myself, they do not ponder pain, or loss, Only the coming of spring, is found in their notes. So in the morning, I will take their cue- Tune the strings, and tighten up my bow. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Oh, how utterly beautiful. My verses do pale to yours.This is truly equisite. You capture the essesnce of her writing. It's strange how similar our themes, though I would choose yours any day. You inspire me, dear poet. A challenge well met! Liz |
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splashMeadow Junior Member
since 2011-06-09
Posts 20UK |
The distilled quiet of the night "between restlessness and uncomfortable dreams" has opened a new perspective on the seasons. I love the imagery of the roulette wheel, "the notch of February" and the whole feeling of turning and cycling through the seasons; rising towards the brightness and renewal of Spring. Best of all, i love the way this poem reminds us that we only have to look towards nature to answer all those questions and doubts that make us so "restless and uncomfortable" in our man-made world. Fantastic poem! |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
"They still remember, songs of summers gone Though they don't look back for what has parted;" That is my taking of this well-done poetry, Ice. Still, the whole poem could be in quotation marks, it was that profound. The last two lines made me smile. ~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~ |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
This is poetry, Ford. I don't even think I have a suitable reply; to match what you have here. This is probably, by far, one of my favorites of yours. |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
muy coolo amigo |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
My so wonderful cricket, your music sings, by Jiminy!   |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Sorry, I am tardy in replies.. I do love all of these.:-) Elizabeth "My verses do pale to yours" nonsense, your words are not pale-- In any sense of the word.. They are of a different hue, but certainly not "pale" This was fun, although now I see that the last stanza poem prompt was taken from a poem of your own.. and I took the prompt from a favorite poet. I hope that was ok. ******************************************** Splash Wow! a wonderful reply. Thank you ******************************************** JP Thank you.. The last two lines belong to the crickets in the woodpile.. In late winter, I see them as getting ready to fiddle again. ******************************************** Nicole "This is poetry" This is same thing I think when I read your poems..:-) Thank you. ******************************************** Dark Thanks me amigo. ******************************************** Sunny I love the Pinocchio tale, and my nose would grow if I said I didn't like your reply. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
They still remember, songs of summers gone Though they don't look back for what has parted. Unlike myself, they do not ponder pain, or loss, Only the coming of spring, is found in their notes. So in the morning, I will take their cue- Tune the strings, and tighten up my bow. This was pure pleasure to read! |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
So enjoyed your poem, Ice. |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Can't believe I missed this ... beautifully done, my friend. I really enjoyed hers too. j. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
A really superior piece, Ice. Wouldn't change a word, but I would look into spelling and grammar -- your "mandela" is a mandala, "february" would be February given your style, and the difference between and uses of the dash and the hyphen seem confused This is picky stuff. I mention because you accept criticism and it often doesn't take more than a second set of eyes to do the proofing. Best, Jimbeaux, who has never made a typo in his live.  |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Suthern Thank you...Glad this was pleasant for you to read..:-) ************************************** EG And I enjoyed reading your reply... ************************************** Jim Things do cascade quickly here sometimes.. Glad you caught up to this one.......:-) *************************************** Ocean "This is picky stuff"...not at all, I am happy for it.:-) Thank you for the corrections, spelling errors noted. I will change them if it will allow me. I can't spell for beans, never could, but I know what the words mean..most of the time.lol I do use a spell checker, but sometimes that doesn't work. I am a self taught poet, what I mean is, that I learned from reading the poetry of the classic writers. And so it is when I play the guitar, it is all by ear and attention to sound. The dashes are all hyphens, used to make two separate words seem like one... so the reader reads them fast, as one word. I read that the dash was used in this way on a poetry site. Perhaps I am wrong, If there is a more acceptable way to do this, I would like to know it. Please advise...:-) Sometimes I steal the method of Cummings and just spell the two words as one. Anyway, thanks for the reply... |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
To late to fix the errors.. Sorry, I am past the 24 hours this site allows for corrections. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Ice -- I think we may all be self taught poets. We can study the heck out of other people's poetry, but we have to teach ourselves to actually sit down and do it. Writing classes tend to teach one how to write like someone else -- often like the teacher, if which stops being fun in a real hurry if you have a poor teacher! And spelling and grammar checks drive me nuts, too. They can be useful, but they don't often catch the nuances that poetry thrives on. At any rate, here is how I would proof your poem. Not a line has been changed or word replaced. Midnigt-late-night, half awake, my mind repeats Last autumn's eulogy, by Sara-for-summer, The words she spoke at that sad wake Incessantly haunt me. A third of a year has come and gone, yet Tonight, in the time between restlessness And uncomfortable dreams, in the crack between, I ponder my mandala. I see the wheel of life's roulette. The moon Is a ball that finds the notch of February, For just a moment -- as if it were the winner; But crickets in the wood pile know, They still remember songs of summers gone, Though they don't look back for what has parted. Unlike myself, they do not ponder pain, or loss, Only the coming of Spring is found in their notes. So in the morning, I will take their cue -- Tune the strings, and tighten up my bow! The proofing provides something subtle. If it's not your long suit -- though I really don't believe you were a punctuation-flunker -- show things to a family member or nerdy neighbor who does stuff like this. Just don't let them mess with the words too much. Best, Jimbeaux |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Thanks for coming back Jimbeaux And thanks for the fixes....:-) "It is difficult |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I love this poem. Truly. You inspire me, ice. A |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
I think Nicole and Alison summed it up best. I'm speechless. Beautiful poetry. JL Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Oh WOW!! this is fantastic, I love, love, love everything about it, so glad I found & read this Ice as it's amazing.Love is the life of the soul... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Quite a write...James |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Ali JL Tracie James Thank you for reading , and the replies. I do read each reply carefully. but sometimes am restricted by time, and am not able to make comment on them indiviually. But they are all wonderful,just the same. |
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