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Open Poetry #48

Hailey Carpenter

voice2bheard
Senior Member

since 2007-10-19

Posts 591
New York

0 posted 2013-01-23 06:28 AM

I never once thought I'd be here again
So confused with what to do, I can't find the end

To have the knowledge that you are with me
Something so beautiful, I'll have to wait and see

Within less than a year, you will be here
Thinking about it brings joy and tears

To the months that lay ahead
Until the day you arrive

You have given me reason
Along with her to survive

Although it may be a while before I know
Some things to say, and you'll hopefully show

His baby blue eyes, which I hope are upon you
My small stomach that he once loved to

Hair that will be, hopefully nothing like me
With a laugh like his, and a smile to beautiful to believe

Hands to be so strong, yet soft to the touch
Beautiful smooth skin, that I loved so much

To always be there with love for you
Even if its one and another, making you both two

You are both my little princess, always to wear a crown

I promise to try my best, always here for you, I will never let you down

Even though for both of you neither is no longer together

We will always have such love for you, that will last forever

With such love for your father, I know will never fade away

For his has faded with me long ago, that it seems a hundred years farther than yesterday

And as my tears continue to fall, I can't help but wonder why everything happend at all

Why were two people in each others lives for such a long time

When as he said in the end it was all a lie, I was never his and he was never mine

Was there ever a reason behind being there for each other

Or was it just to be ignored, hurt, broken by one another

As I can see, theres ceratinly more ways than one

After every single time, neither one of us was truely done

Now as I sit here with a reminder of you

Did we ever really say the words that we meant, or were true

I am left now for the remainder of my life

Knowing how I feel about you, what went wrong and what we did right

How am I to go on without sheding one tear

While you wish me further and further away, I still always wanted you near

As you want nothing from me, to leave you alone

I continue to try my best, to do as you wish, and even face this alone

As I sit alone, coping with whats left of my heart

I hate to think that we both were the ones who are now torn apart

I should've loved you better, I keep telling myself

Yet would that have even been any help

If only to take my hand and never let go

With how you once made me feel and saying I told you so

Now as you've stated wanting nothing more than to be out of my life

Seems that nothing was ever able or even worth the fight

Our little girl being the only one

Yet you still have hatred and anger, completely done

I don't understand how this went on for so long

Yet I was the fool to believe what we had was more than strong

Whst I feel for you, is never what I've felt for anyone else

To hold a grudge upon someone, instead of letting it go, and be better for ourselves

Yet just like her, my love for you will always stay

Couldn't forget you if I wanted to, you never go away

Sweetie mama loves you, even if I don't know who you are

One day soon you'll be shining bright like your sister amongst the stars

Although mama doesn't know how daddy feels

I'm sure his love for you is genuine and real

Now that I know of you, I can't wait to meet you

You and your sister are my world by far

As I hope that you are blessed and see how lucky you are

For its not about money, wealth, fame or looks

Its what we make of what we have, it should never be done by the book

If I was allowed to choose the qualities that you shall have

As I hope they make you better and I hope they last

For being very little from me and so much from your father

To have the skills to write, play and read

While your father on the other hand, has everything you would need

A kind heart, open mind, smell good naturally

Beautiful, funny, polite, unique, and care free

Straightforward, understanding, great with his hands

Just remember your father will be the only man who understands

So as the the thought of you gives me butterflies

I will await the moment I finally see you before my eyes

Kate

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

1 posted 2013-01-23 12:27 PM

This started out a beautiful tribute to an unborn child, and her sadly absent father.  It turned a corner somewhere and ran headlong into grief and ponderings of the "what ifs" and "what nows" over its duration.  I think this poem captures all the confused emotion such a situation must present.

I can't help think the poem mirrors the characteristics of grief in general...  You suffer a loss that incurs sadness... You struggle to recall the "good things" and are somewhat mollified, if only temporarily... Sooner or later you find that reaching for the same old memories isn't so gratifying anymore so you start to question things, just a little at first but eventually every little detail... With no real answers to be found, you find yourself with a still open wound and emotions that rollercoaster from grief to joy to anger in some sort of twisted cycle.

Your rollercoaster is only taken to new heights, deeper lows, and faster speeds when you add the love and concerns for your yet unborn, fatherless child.

I'm no one to be giving advice butI do know the past is unchangeable and though there might be answers there to the "what ifs", they will never be visable to you while so much emotion resides there.  Focus on the "what nows" and understand your child feels everything you do.  Don't put her through any unnecessary unhealthy emotion.

((hugs))... and the best of luck to you.

Michael

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