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Open Poetry #48
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for the love of a woman
| Open Poetry #48 |
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for the love of a woman |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
He use to stare across the bar across from his worries from his idle banter he use to stare at her long neck the way her hair seemed to channel the autumn leaves with strands of brown trailing down the middle of her back He use to just watch as she'd fiddle with her thumbs stroke her hair with those plum size hands as she fixed herself straight in her seat he stared at her like the sands quiet shriek Stared, glanced her eyes with their wisdom slowly glancing back at him like a tender stallion with gasps to the blankets of wind slowly watching over them for the love of a woman washed over his eyes until no night could spite the sun to rise for his eyes became decadent with the snows soft rise. |
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| © Copyright 2012 Tomer Fried - All Rights Reserved | |||
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katahdin Senior Member
since 2010-07-01
Posts 1196ME. In the Shadow of the Mt. |
Just lovely, enjoyed! Kat >^..^< |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Kat- Happy you enjoyed. Hope you're well... Cheers Tomer |
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Stumpjumper Junior Member
since 2012-12-11
Posts 10 |
I'm Australian, and so 'use to' looks wrong - we say 'used to'. She, or at least her eyes, like a 'tender stallion'? Is there some female or non-gendered simile you could have used? Not 'gelding' of course. But suitably paced for the 'look across the bar'. |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Stump- You're absolutely right. Sometimes, I don't pay enough attention to my grammar. But, yes, it should be 'used to'. Thanks for the critique. Cheers Tomer |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
James- Appreciate the love. Hope you're well. Cheers Tomer |
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