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Open Poetry #48

Lovely Song

whisperingwalt
Member

since 2010-04-29

Posts 240
Coquitlam, BC, Canada

0 posted 2012-12-09 07:40 PM

Lovely Song
In   the moment that seemed so short
A life you finally lived
You chose to sing a song
The drummers drummed
And the dancers dance
Even the fiddler played
Round the table of those unloved
Under the harvest moon
That knew your name
You stood up when it hurt to sit
Smiled when the darkness
Seem the darkest
Invited us to your home
Somewhere where there was no pain
We baptized you with our tears
And confessed our love for you
Wishing that you had more time
But as the years have come and gone
Your courage remains with us
As we remember a special song
That  made the drummers drum
The dancers dance
And the fiddler  played...
....into that night.

[This message has been edited by whisperingwalt (12-10-2012 10:07 AM).]

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

1 posted 2012-12-10 10:01 AM

In line four, you left the 'g' off of 'song' --I thought I'd let you know because this is the kind of thing I always miss when I read over my poems. I know what they're supposed to say, so I see it there. Other than that technical glitch, let me say this is heart-rending. How very sad, but warmly done.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

whisperingwalt
Member

since 2010-04-29

Posts 240
Coquitlam, BC, Canada

2 posted 2012-12-10 10:08 AM

Thanks P. Your input is appreciated...now fixed..thanks for your comments.

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

3 posted 2012-12-10 04:27 PM

Very touching, my friend

j.

Victoria

Member Ascendant

since 2000-08-12

Posts 5869

4 posted 2012-12-10 05:19 PM

A sad one and nicely done.. Heartfelt.

~Victoria~

Life is a great big canvas-Throw all the paint on it you can.
-- Danny Kaye

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 2012-12-12 07:44 PM

Very nice writing...James

katahdin
Senior Member

since 2010-07-01

Posts 1196
ME. In the Shadow of the Mt.

6 posted 2012-12-12 09:38 PM

Nicely done!
Kat >^..^<

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