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Open Poetry #48

Attempting Woody Allen

martiniat8
Senior Member

since 2003-06-21

Posts 897
Prague, Bohemia, Czech Republic

0 posted 2012-08-07 04:13 PM

My Attempt At Writing Woody Allen Humor
(some based on actual conversations)

Friend: "So, how's your love life? I see lots of pictures of you with hot girls"
Me: Well, to quote Woody Allen, "My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
Friend: "That's funny!"
Me: "Want to hear something funnier?"
Friend: "Sure!"
Me: "My love life's worse, I've never even BEEN to New York!"

Me: "My girlfriend is CRAZY!"
Friend: "What makes you say that?"
Me: "The other night we were talking on the phone and she said we haven't had sex!"
Friend: "Well, just because she didn't REMEMBER it, doesn't mean she's crazy."

Friend: "You sound like a woman, I think you may be gay."
Me: "ME??? GAY??? No... However you make a valid point. I DO think EXACTLY the same as a woman, I find men COMPLETELY revolting!"

Friend: "Wow, it sounds like you're in love. So, who's your girlfriend?"
Me: "Girlfriend??? Noooo, I have nothing like that...but the prostitutes LOVE me!"

Me: "I think I'm dying".
Friend: "Dying? No, you're just turning 40. You're way to young to die."
Me: "Suuure, I'm dying very very slowly, but trust me, I'm dying!"

Me: "So, I'm turning 40 next month and I am happy to say I am NOT a virgin!... although some women, may argue the point"

Friend: "You're turning 40? Wow, we should have a big party! Karaoke?"
Me: "Good idea... OR, we could just commit suicide!"

Friend: "So, let me ask your advice... What's the best way to confront a woman when you know she's lying?"
Me: "By believing her!"

Startime1955
Senior Member

since 2012-04-22

Posts 1072
Alberta, Canada

1 posted 2012-08-07 06:11 PM

You Definitely put a smile on my face...*BIG HUGS*

*may our dreams ever be magical*

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 2012-08-08 10:37 PM

Very good...I've seen some Woody Allen movies and some I hate and some I love..."I liked the one "Midnight in Paris" but not the one right after that was set in Rome...James

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