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Open Poetry #48
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There Was Once a Wall Here
| Open Poetry #48 |
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There Was Once a Wall Here |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams 
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There Was Once a Wall Here There was once a wall Where only blood and tears ran And machine guns played There was once a wall Where the strong oppressed the weak And children grew old There was once a wall Where sad hearts watched the sunset Over salvation There was once a wall But no one will remember Something long ago There was once a wall But only ghosts remain here Repeating their lives Over and over again... -Juju |
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| © Copyright 2013 Juju - All Rights Reserved | |||
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swampguy Member
since 2013-08-04
Posts 83 |
Isn't that the truth, Juju? History forever and ever and ever repeats itself, itself, itself. Rome burned. Washington gutted of principle. ~*~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~*~ |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Hit the nail on the head with this one, Juju. Ida |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
nice...James |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
Ms Juju...depth of glances revealed by the eyes of your pen |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Interesting piece, Juju. May I suggest a slight adjustment: There was once a wall Where only blood and tears ran And machine guns played; Where the strong oppressed the weak And children grew old; Where sad hearts watched the sunset Over salvation. But no one will remember Something long ago, And only ghosts remain here Repeating their lives Over and over again... There was once a wall. I felt the repetition of "there was once a wall" so often went overboard a bit. Perhaps having it just at the beginning and the end may work better? Specially liked the effect of the last four/five lines. Keep writing. Regards. |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
A great piece of reflection, and I personally like it just the way it is. The repetition of "Once over the wall" line served its purpose continuing to call attention about how things used to be and how it never ends. People do NOT learn from history, they make the same mistakes over and over. ~*~ If they give you lined paper write sideways. ~*~ |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
enjoyed a lot, juju, this wall full of depth and messages, yann |
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EmmaRose Senior Member
since 2011-03-02
Posts 1376Midwest |
I liked the emphasis and repetitive use of the "once there was a wall" I think it gave a lot of impact |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
juju, this is perfectly repitious and multi-layered. This very thought provoking piece was an impressive read. Lori  |
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s1nfully_1nn0c3nt Senior Member
since 2003-10-26
Posts 1105Watertown, NY |
Thought provoking indeed. I actually love the whole repetition style, I find its a little more difficult to work with, but if you do get it to work - it really does get your point across. Enjoyed. -Trina |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Repetition is hard to do, which is why I don't do it often. I have found using odd numbers helps, however I have seen it used twice and work: usually those poets either brought the poem full circle or changed the meaning of the line at the end. I actually started this poem, after seeing a picture on the internet showing an over lap of important events to today. It left an impression on me. This poem actually began without the repetition, however when I looked at the pictures that thought came to me and I added it and removed a verse. Thank you for your thoughts and reading my poem everyone. -Juju |
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