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Open Poetry #48
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Eleven
| Open Poetry #48 |
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Eleven |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Eleven He shot a rubberband, at the back of her student's head no remorse, he wasn't sad ignored her reprimand, shook his head "no" told her, now, he now had to go then, walked out of the classroom all on his own Where would he go? Where would he go? He mumbled some profanity couldn't really be heard head hung low, eyes cold, wide Had the light, apparently died? He didn't know? He didn't know? He couldn't feel the pain, he had caused others he had boasted, he couldn't be bothered this, is the end, of his fifth year And of his future? is what she fears Because, he, is only, eleven years old eleven, years, old eleven... years...cold |
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| © Copyright 2012 E. M. L. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Startime1955 Senior Member
since 2012-04-22
Posts 1072Alberta, Canada |
WOW!!! what a stunning poem that touches the heart with its truth...what a terrifying thought...and he is only eleven...it seems more and more of this is happening in our world...*HUGS* *may our dreams ever be magical* |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Yes, sad indeed Star. Thanks for your read. Ms. E |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Yes, Mr E, the rebellion of children seems to be beginning at much earlier ages. There are many reasons which are causing this, home life probably being one that tops the list. ~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~ |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
JP, Thank you for your comment. A child who is rebellious can also be compassionate and show empathy towards others. A child without compassion or empathy "cold" is a bit different; just my observation. Thanks again JP, Ms. E |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
so touching, ebonygirl, kids do things to know without knowing, thanks for the very enjoyable read, yann |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Ms. E this is a superb way of getting the point across and you make the reader visualize very clearly. Eric true love never looks after it's own interests |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Very, very good and thought-provoking. Alison |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Yann, Eric and Alison, Thank you for stopping by to read the poem. I appreciate your comments. Ms. E |
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Honeybunch Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115South Africa |
I feel sorry for children in this day and age and your poem expresses well the sad plight of them. Childhood doesn't exist anymore. If not rebellious then they're forced to over-achieve. I'm of an age now when I can say, "Oh, for the good old days". Helen |
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MetalRose New Member
since 2012-06-18
Posts 9Ventura, Ca |
So sad... Veronica Morales |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Thank you Helen and Veronica, A carefree childhood is rare nowadays isn't it; still, I will not give up hope in the belief that the children will see the Light... Kinda cliche but true. Ms. E |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This reminds me of a child my sister tried to teach... She agonized nightly over her inability to reach him... and his inability to empathize. Cruelty is always chilling... but when one so young can't feel remorse or another's pain, it's especially sad. Excellent write! |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Please thank your sister for trying to reach this child. Thank you, Suthern for taking the time to read and comment. *s* ms. e |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
very well written, my friend, and so much truth here. When I drove a school bus I was just amazed at the middle-school "delinquents" society was producing. So-o sad. and it'll only get worse. Excellent read, my friend. j. |
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niteismyday Junior Member
since 2012-06-19
Posts 35 |
This was a sad but beautifully written poem. Well done. |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Thank you J and Niteismyday, I appreciate your comments. Wow, J, I'm sure you have seen much more than most of us! Ms. E |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Fine writing...James |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
A painfully acute observaton, and a very desensitized young man.... It's such a waste and the lines "where will he go?" are foreboding. One can't help but wonder why, and with trepidation. ~K  |
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Prasad Nataraj Senior Member
since 2008-05-29
Posts 1149Bangalore,India |
Fine writing. "The secret behind survival of mankind is kindness and love within our hearts" |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Thank you James, Prasad and Klassy L. for your time and comment. Klassy, "desensitized" is the perfect word. My hope is that they become compassionate as they mature, but how would it be taught and most importantly, how would it be learned. Ms. E |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
No one sees "eleven" like a teacher. Ida |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
How perfectly you rendered this sad situation of children who seem to have lost, hopefully only temporaneously, any feeling of compassion. It's a hard time for teachers too! Excellent write. Margherita |
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luminosity Senior Member
since 2005-11-18
Posts 813 |
oh wow this is so powerful, it leaves me speechless!!!!!!! |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Thank you, Margherita and Luminosity, for your comments. I appreciate them very much. Ms. E |
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