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Open Poetry #46
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another haiku..sorry. :)
| Open Poetry #46 |
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another haiku..sorry. :) |
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ateague38 Junior Member
since 2010-03-25
Posts 13 |
mandibles of time do not take big bites at all. Deteriorate. |
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| © Copyright 2010 ateague38 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Ateague38, I would drop the meaningless punctuation and capitalization in this short poem. Bobby |
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ateague38 Junior Member
since 2010-03-25
Posts 13 |
thank you for your critique, Mr. Jordan. I'm honored that you took the time to tell me those things...and if i knew how to edit my poem, i would. |
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HippinTrippy Member
since 2010-03-26
Posts 103New York |
There are little icons above the poem, to the right of " 0 posted [insert time/date] " and to the left of "Inappropriate content?" one of which is an edit/delete icon. If you mouse over them for a second or two the name will pop up. You can edit your poem at anytime from there. Keep 'em coming, I enjoy reading your thoughts. |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Slowly, but surely it nibbles you down to the nub... and then... nothing. Time is an army ant colony on the move. Get out of the way! "We'll chase them like rats across the tundra." |
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Earl Brinkman Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183Osaka, Japan |
I like the idea that you have expressed but I would change the word `deteriorate` to the phrase `They take little ones` But this your baby so..... |
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
From your posts it looks like you are okay with critiques, so if you are you might want to change that under your your profile. I like the poem! And personally, "deteriorate" works for me. That's just me though. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I enjoyed this. I also don't see any reason for an apology from you prior...Haikus and Senryus are always welcome. Little nuggets of gold... |
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easy1 Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209Southeastern USA |
Yes, no need to aplogize for this.  Although, may I remark that deterioration can be sudden as well as gradual... and so can recovery (be quick or slow), in slightly different ways. |
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Angel4aKing Senior Member
since 2006-09-27
Posts 1372USA |
I like and have a few that I am playing around with right now myself!!!! ~~~kingsangel~~~ |
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