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passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

0 posted 2010-03-24 01:27 PM

I want to run away.
I guess I've always been good at that.
Still, there have been times I should've run
but I was frozen where I sat.

Pop Tart wrappers in strange places,
brownie crumbs where they shouldn't be,
coffee cups strewn about, garbage
bags per week add to three.

House full of junk that doesn't work
and will never be used again;
mop and vacuum every day, I do,
it makes me miss where I have been.

Talking, yelling, and drinking
do me no good these days,
so I just sit quiet and sad
while he sits in his ways.

The Position is predictable now,
I cringe slightly at pillow talk,
if my legs weren't covered with ice
I might try to go for a walk,
and end up running.

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2010-03-24 02:48 PM

Yo dear Passing shadows,

Life would be perfect, if only Adam and Eve haden't had a taste for apples.

Love Bobby

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

2 posted 2010-03-29 01:54 AM

"if my legs weren't covered with ice
I might try to go for a walk,
and end up running."

oh Dixie
this is so sad
it breaks my heart

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2010-03-29 09:10 PM

Fine writing...James

shirtless
Member

since 2006-04-29

Posts 359

4 posted 2010-03-29 10:50 PM

I like this poem. The diction makes me think you see the situation as both funny and sad."Pop tart wrappers" and "brownie crumbs" find their counterweights in words like "cringe" and "covered with ice." The near rhyme of "again" and "been' in the third stanza works well; near rhyme throughout the poem might have helped emphasize the serious elements of the poem. Anyway, I really enjoyed it - thanks for posting it.

poetry podcasts, blogs and photopoems at URL= http://anthonyarmstrong.ca

LindsayP
Member Elite

since 2007-07-28

Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria

5 posted 2010-03-29 11:07 PM

Dear Dixie just keep running and don't look back, and good luck.

Lindsay

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

6 posted 2010-03-30 11:50 AM

Hello PS, thanks for sharing, I enjoy your words.
regards

yann

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