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| Open Poetry #46 |
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abhursty Junior Member
since 2009-02-25
Posts 45 |
It feels good to be writing again. This is a poem for a close friend of mine. He got me back into writing after a long pause so I really am grateful for him being in my life. Any type of info as to how I can improve this poems and my poems in general is greatly appreciated. Thanks. Untitled Through your eyes I see your pain But through your heart I see love and hope Through your tears I see your life But through your laugh I see the light. Through your screams I see the truth, And through your joy, I see I can't live without you. |
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| © Copyright 2010 Abigail Hurst - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
I like the style and content. I only offer this because your request seemed so sincere... perhaps changing the verb "see" in each line to something that more closely matches the subject. Ex: "Through your screams I hear the truth" It's just my two cents... and it's worth far less than that. Keep writing... keep posting. It's good to have friends who encourage such things. Peace. "We'll chase them like rats across the tundra." |
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abhursty Junior Member
since 2009-02-25
Posts 45 |
Thanks. I thought about that originally but by then I changed my mind for some reason. |
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