her portrait spoke to me - pipTalk Forums

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2010-11-30 07:58 PM

Morning showed her shivering:
she beamed upon a figure bent
in the street of use'ta-be
a city rubbled by relent

as she grazed upon the grief
with one wistful fingernail
a mother turned from her firstborn
and put her forehead on the trail

of light between the pillars' dream
the place where smoke can dance with ash:
singing dirges too obscene
she placed her forehead to the task--

her lips gathered graveling
in the shadow of the Mosque.

***

I've been a bit more prolific lately, good or bad, I dunno. But if this is a double-post, forgive me? I just found a ton of crap on my notepad...

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2010-11-30 08:36 PM

I do so love when you
look through your own archives...

My thoughts have been on you a lot...

I'm so very glad to see you.

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

2 posted 2010-11-30 10:00 PM

"a city rubbled by relent"

Whoa!

A lot here. When "her lips gathered graveling" I about fell outta my chair, Serenity.

You encourage constructive critique? I wouldn't touch this and try to make it anything except what it is. Dramatic! Personal. Dramatically personal. So there.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

3 posted 2010-12-01 03:20 PM

a double dose of serenity aint enough, i want more!

Hello M'lady. Big hugs.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

4 posted 2010-12-01 05:23 PM

Her portrait spoke to me too through your powerful impressive words, dear Karen!

Love,
Margherita

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

5 posted 2010-12-01 06:27 PM

*blush*

My muses vary quite a bit. I can be haunted from months by watching World News tonight.

Thanks for reading, my love to all.

most especially my sweet ladylove Maree.

I miss you.

Prasad Nataraj
Senior Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 1149
Bangalore,India

6 posted 2010-12-02 05:37 AM

This portrait very much resembles the world scene today. Fine writing.

"Hardwork pays in the long run"

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

7 posted 2010-12-02 06:58 AM

I know I could never be there with you to "see" what your eyes see, but you build a view with your words that make it easier to picture and feel.

Hope you have a wonderful, calm and healthy holiday season, Karen.

M

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