»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #46
»
Forgotten Feelings
| Open Poetry #46 |
|
Forgotten Feelings |
|
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
|
I don't feel you feel the feelings That you felt before. The longing that I longed to feel Is not there any more. I can't say why it went away I thought I knew the score But I don't feel you feel the feelings That you felt before. I don't think you think the thoughts That you thought yesterday. The playful play we played at night Has faded with the day. Empassioned play has passed away The laughter comes no more And I don't feel you feel the feelings That you felt before. Perhaps the need that I fulfilled's Not needed any more. My usefulness now has no use The way it had before. The knight has turned into a pawn The queen has changed the score Because she doesn't feel the feelings That she felt before. The sad thing is the sadness stays. The pain is plain to see. The longing that's long gone in you Still lingers here in me. The dreams I dreamed are only that Hopes hopelessly ignored. I'm sorry you don't feel the feelings That you felt before. |
||
| © Copyright 2010 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Hey Michael Very song like. You need a chorus. Don't even think you'd need a bridge. Love the lyrical flow of the feelings line throughout..Clever arrangement of thoughts. Write on man! Eric |
||
|
Prasad Nataraj Senior Member
since 2008-05-29
Posts 1149Bangalore,India |
Sure is rhythmic Sir,  the knight has turned to a pawn. Never happens in Chess, sadly happens in life. "Hardwork pays in the long run" |
||
|
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
written in such "soft tones", Michael~~ it sure changes a lot of things... but I often wonder if feelings wax and wane in long relationships and can be regained depending...  M |
||
|
Eusta B. Mae Senior Member
since 2010-05-03
Posts 903 |
Dear 'Deer, I know of what you speak..what a tender place it touches.ebm |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
How tragic to be on this side of the wall. Your writing is as beautiful as ever. Cheers my old friend. |
||
|
Zeigeist Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 311Michigan |
Very nice Mr. Balladeer. My favorit lines are "The sad thing is the sadness stays. The pain is plain to see. The longing that's long gone in you Still lingers here in me" Zeitgeist |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Sounds like this is the other half of a Kit and 'Deer poem...we need Kit to chime in! 'Struth, though...relationships of most can tend to wend toward loss or gain... whether by school mates, or marriage, or so many other ways.... but always, you construct that part of a poem that elicits the knowing moment... and you make people wish they could rewind. Yep, that's what you do! |
||
|
Earl Brinkman Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183Osaka, Japan |
I really admire the construction of this poem. |
||
|
JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
Age-old problems when the passion becomes hum-drum. It's hard work keeping everything in good working order. Nice. |
||
|
Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
What a read... amazing, especially aloud! You sure know your way around rhyme and meter, sir  Best to you~ Amaryllis |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Eric...thank you. I think it could indeed be a song. Prasad...yes, sadly, it does. Glad you enjoyed.. Maureen..one has to work to keep the relationship alive. People tend to forget that... Eusta...I'm sorry you can relate! X Angel...seeing you brings back many fond memories. Great to have you back! Zeitgeist..actually those are my favorite, also. Thank you for your kind comment. Sunshine....Kit seems to be missing inaction! People can't rewind but they can always start fresh.. Earl...thank you! I always consider construction an important part of displaying one's thoughts. I'm glad you like it.. JerryPat..it certainly is....but well worth it! Thank you.. Amaryllis...thank you! (please call me Michael so I won't feel so old!)  |
||
|
AlexanderPoetry Junior Member
since 2006-07-31
Posts 30 |
I agree with EtMome, very songlike, and could well imagine a few guitar chords behind it. Some good lines in there too. Nice one. |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
dang....ouch this reminds me of the Harry Chapin song Tangled Up Puppet sad stuff but darn good! |
||
|
Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Michael it `tis then, me dear~! Let it never be said of me that I made anyone feel the `O` word  . All my best~ Amaryllis (Sharon) |
||
|
Angel4aKing Senior Member
since 2006-09-27
Posts 1372USA |
Definitely has the ring of a song here!!! Could hear it playing in my head almost!!! Very cool!!! ~~~kingsangel~~~ |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
This piece should remind all why you are known as the Bard of PIP. Quality in form and content. I bow to you and yours, my friend. Peace. "We'll chase them like rats across the tundra." |
||
Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I thought I had replied to this. I think I said that it is so well written and very poignant. I love it, Michael. A |
||
|
sasanka7 Junior Member
since 2010-11-17
Posts 30 |
Enchanting...wonderful... I appreciate wholeheartedly. sasanka |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
