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Zeigeist
Member

since 2009-12-09

Posts 311
Michigan

0 posted 2010-10-30 12:39 PM

We Cried

Her face was turned
Away from mine when
She cried.

I don’t believe her heart
Agreed with what
Her mouth was saying

Hands shaking
Eyes moistening
She brought us
To our end.

Her heart was turning
Away from mine
When she held me
And we cried.

Zeitgeist

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

1 posted 2010-10-30 01:13 PM

Heartbreaking poetry. Your choice of words worked very well and I could feel the pain of the one turning her head away. Sometimes when we realized what we have isn't working, or we find the ONE true love, we hate to have to hurt the one left behind.

s1nfully_1nn0c3nt
Senior Member

since 2003-10-26

Posts 1105
Watertown, NY

2 posted 2010-10-30 02:31 PM

Heart breaking & beautiful. Enjoyed this.

-Trina.

"To decieve ones self, is truly a grueling battle. One which we're destined to lose."

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

3 posted 2010-10-30 03:42 PM

Sadly that's how it goes and you captured it exceptionally well with those body positions related to the heart.

Eric

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

4 posted 2010-10-30 04:43 PM

Excellent. The empathy shows through a breaking heart. latearrival

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

5 posted 2010-10-30 08:05 PM

nicely done...
I agree with the others, it is a good use of body language and you've captured well something most all of us have experienced in some way

Zeigeist
Member

since 2009-12-09

Posts 311
Michigan

6 posted 2010-10-30 08:25 PM

Thank you JP for your reply

Zeitgeist

Zeigeist
Member

since 2009-12-09

Posts 311
Michigan

7 posted 2010-10-30 08:26 PM

Thank you Eric for your kind words

Zeitgeist

Zeigeist
Member

since 2009-12-09

Posts 311
Michigan

8 posted 2010-10-30 08:29 PM

Thank you Trina for reading and commenting

Zeitgeist

Zeigeist
Member

since 2009-12-09

Posts 311
Michigan

9 posted 2010-10-30 08:31 PM

Thank you L.A. and Cpat Hair. What nice people here at PIP. I am glad to be back here posting and reading such fine writing.

Zeitgeist.

[This message has been edited by Zeigeist (10-31-2010 12:48 AM).]

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