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Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

0 posted 2010-10-13 08:21 PM

They said a long goodbye
The canvass slowly tore away,
As the plods of paint washed along the torrid flow of the river
On the banks of her hair, on the fall of her throat
Flailing with the wind, as the gust of their conversation
Made its way to a lonely street corner.

She said, "I", then froze,
As if she was a violin waiting for her strings to reattach,
Waiting for that perfect thing to say,
for the noise to make sense of what they meant to each other.

He wasn't much better, wasn't much in tune with what she really felt.
But, for what it's worth, his eyes still knew she loved
The way his beard combed over his face.

He remembered the way she picked herself up from
The ice that fell at the back of the ballroom,
The way her heels perked up as she saw him come to her aid.

It was a fondness,
A bracelet he placed on her wrist
Like a small secret between them and time

But, through the raptures of deceit,
Her traces of mascara traded jabs with his lowly face.
She touching his hand, she wished him well,
He said, "I", then lost her as the cars drove by.

[This message has been edited by Tomer (10-14-2010 09:47 AM).]

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2010-10-14 01:17 PM

quote:
She said, "I", then froze,
As if she was a violin waiting for her strings to reattach,

Very nice work.

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

2 posted 2010-10-15 02:50 AM

Yes, very nice work. After a finale like that, I had to go back and pick up the pieces (reread from the beginning).

Some have not learned loyalty yet, and many see reminiscence of a past kindness received as chains upon themselves, for whatever reason right or wrong.

And I saw in this imagery that glance Ilsa gave Rick at La Belle Aurore in Casablanca, too... when she knew that she wasn't going to meet him at the train station, but would not say so to his face.

s1nfully_1nn0c3nt
Senior Member

since 2003-10-26

Posts 1105
Watertown, NY

3 posted 2010-10-15 05:13 AM

What they said....Nice work.

"I" - we all have regrets of never finishing certain declarations - what ever it may be.

-Trina.

"To decieve ones self, is truly a grueling battle. One which we're destined to lose."

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

4 posted 2010-10-17 05:02 PM

Thank you Marg, Easy, and Sinful...happy you all enjoyed.

Regret is apart of our lives...I can only hope I don't have too many

Tomer

eminor_angel
Member

since 2003-05-22

Posts 323
Canada

5 posted 2010-10-24 01:11 AM

sweet title. it drew me into your poem.

Zeigeist
Member

since 2009-12-09

Posts 311
Michigan

6 posted 2010-10-24 10:23 AM

Fine writing Tomer. Your brush paints with great skill the emotions that can exist in just one moment.

Zeitgeist

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

7 posted 2010-10-24 05:21 PM

thanks eminor and zeigeist...happy you enjoyed. Take care

Tomer

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