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Open Poetry #46
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Driftwood II (con’t)
| Open Poetry #46 |
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Driftwood II (con’t) |
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Eusta B. Mae Senior Member
since 2010-05-03
Posts 903 |
The beachcomber filled her hollow With flattery on the rocks And a come on chaser She washed him down in a swallow Driftwood twisted his gratification With her own wooden Windswept self-loathing Into a false sense of affirmation Driftwood met the morning oblivious To the erosion Of her soul But her thirst for numbing was obvious The roses were gone as was the tide His drop in her bucket Finally hit bottom With an echo she couldn’t hide. |
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| © Copyright 2010 Eusta B. Mae - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
oh, this has more the edge of the original.... quite the image you paint in metaphor... nicely done ma'am. |
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ngaiobeck Junior Member
since 2010-09-30
Posts 11Auberge France |
Well crafted! Creates many important feelings in so few words. n Beck |
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Bastet Member
since 2010-05-07
Posts 246 |
Oh, wonderful! Really clever personification and great portrayal of human emotions. Bravo! |
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Eusta B. Mae Senior Member
since 2010-05-03
Posts 903 |
Cpat-Thank you so much for your comments, they have been very helpful in letting me know that where I'm going makes sense to more than just me (lol) ___________________________________________ ngaiobeck-Thank you for thinking my less is more. emb ____________________________________________ Bastet-Bless your heart you are keeping me on track here too with your kind words. thank you. Eusta |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
"The beachcomber filled her hollow With flattery on the rocks And a come on chaser She washed him down in a swallow" magnificent this has a familiar feel to it as if I've been there more please... |
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